Q: I suspect that my mom struggles with hoarding. I try to clean out excess of clothing and items, but I am stopped because my mom will check what I want to give away and will remove things from the donation bag “so she can use them instead.” As much as I want to secretly give, my dad tells me I should check with my mom first when it comes to giving away clothes — however, these clothes often go unused and continue to clog up a room in the house. What exactly is the Catholic response to all this? Would it be a sin for me to give away my belongings without checking in with my parents since I am supposed to obey them? — L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:

Your desire to weed what you think are excess clothes and other items is admirable. But other factors need to be considered.

First, you won’t honor the Fourth Commandment by doing things behind your parents’ backs. Healthy family life requires honesty and respect for proper authority.

Besides, it is their house, and they have a right to decide what to do with the clothes and other items.

A separate issue is your mom’s hoarding. Let’s assume for now that your perception is correct.

In principle, yes, we should be willing to share things with others. We shouldn’t accumulate things for their own sake.

On the other hand, hoarding might be a person’s way of dealing with memories of a difficult childhood.

If your mom grew up poor, she might be trying to overcompensate for that as an adult. Insecurity, not stinginess, might be the problem.

Your dad might understand this, which is why he wants you to check with Mom first before getting rid of things.

It would be good to pray for your mom and look for opportunities to encourage her to trust in God’s providence.

Then leave things in God’s hands. If Mom’s thinking ever changes, it might take a long time. So be patient.

In the meantime, it would be good to cultivate a simple and modest lifestyle for yourself.

Count on my prayers.