I consider myself a pretty likeable person, but it’s only because my vanity makes it so reasonably unpleasant to be disliked. Over the years, I’ve had to work on my disordered desire to choose peace and people-pleasing over walking courageously through the conflict. I’d much rather concede than fight if it means that the relationships in my life will be easy, serene, and tension-free.
I’ve pretty much succeeded at my goal of being likeable, even if at times it has meant being unhealthily agreeable… until recently. Despite all my best efforts, I am, indeed, disliked. And for a peace-craving, people-pleaser like me, that is extremely uncomfortable.
Christ, of course, had it much worse than me – he was hated literally to death. My feeling mildly uncomfortable because someone is less than enamored with me doesn’t seem to qualify as walking in the footsteps of Christ, experiencing His rejection, and uniting with His suffering, but I know by the way He has accompanied me through this discomfort that His love and mercy are meant for this space in my life. There is healing waiting for me here.
Wounded relationships take as many forms as there are reasons to be hurt; whatever yours might be (a suffering marriage, a conflict-riddled relationship, or strained family ties), there is healing to be had. The healing might not look like you or I want it to (a perfect resolution, peace, and everyone happy in the end), but I know that Christ wants to heal me here, in a way according to His perfect, peace-filled will. And I’m going to be spending this Lent offering up the brokenness, and the wounds that it has created, for healing, however that may look.
Here are some resolutions to unite a broken or hurting relationship to Christ throughout your Lenten journey this year:
Pray the Litany of Humility
I have a love-hate relationship with the Litany of Humility. It’s such a beautiful prayer, but oh so painful to pray sometimes. “From the desire of being loved, preferred and approved, free me, Jesus. From the fear of being despised, ridiculed, and suspected, free me, Jesus.” Praying this prayer reveals to me just how strong my desire to be loved and my fear of being rejected truly is, and yet, at the same time, it offers me freedom from both.
Pray for the ones who have hurt you.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44 to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Make a concrete plan (a daily rosary, for example) to pray for the good of those with whom you have a complicated or wounded relationship.
Unite your sufferings with Jesus.
Reflect specifically on Christ’s experiences of rejection: the betrayal by Judas, the loneliness of the Cross, the denial of Peter. Read the Passion, pray the stations, or recite the rosary seeking unity with Christ in the experiences and mysteries that reflect His being hated, rejected, and abandoned. He wishes to pour out healing there.
Reach out, if it’s possible.
Over the past year, I’ve come to the uncomfortable conclusion that not all relationships are within my power to fix, despite the emotional acrobatics I’ve put myself through trying. Some wounds require boundaries and distance that only prayer can cross. But if it’s within your power to do something towards healing, do it this Lent. Make the phone call, arrange the meeting, give the long-overdue embrace; ask Christ how He wants you to participate in the healing of the brokenness in your own life.
If you’re blessed enough not to need these resolutions, you might be interested in:
Lenten Resolutions for Your Mental Health
Lenten Resolutions to Improve Your Relationship With Food
