Q: If I as a Catholic miss Mass, it’s a mortal sin, correct? If I die, I go to hell? Where is God’s loving mercy? And my non-Catholic friends who are good Christians miss their service all the time. Does that put them in mortal sin? Or is it just Catholics? If they miss their service and die, where do they go? Why are we so strict? And as a divorced Catholic without an annulment, I can’t date or marry. But my non-Catholic friends are divorced and remarried and are blessed by God. Why is the Catholic God different from the non-denominational God? I am so tormented that my friends, family and I are going to hell. Not a happy way to live. I know a lot of denominations broke off the Catholic Church, but I see my non-Catholic friends being blessed over and over again — meaning that they miss services and divorce and remarry and are still in God’s good graces. Whereas if I remarry without an annulment I am doomed. I am confused! Can you help me? — Jean

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. Perhaps that situation has led you into a lot of anxiety and fear. Fear isn’t the fundamental message of the Church. It’s here to proclaim the good news of the Gospel and to invite people to conversion and growth in holiness. At the start, it’s good to note that Ask a Priest isn’t here to judge the state of anyone’s soul. It’s here to help people understand what Our Lord teaches through his Church. That said, let’s try to address some of your questions and comments. First, it’s a commandment from God that we keep holy the sabbath (Sunday). We should give God due worship. He gives us 168 hours each week. Spending an hour at Mass isn’t a lot to ask. As for other Christians and what they do or don’t do, God alone knows their hearts and minds. Second, the Church assumes that a marriage is valid, unless and until it can be shown that there was something deficient from the start. The Church respects the decision that couples make on their wedding day. This includes marriages between non-Catholics and even non-Christians, assuming that there is no obvious impediment (such as a living ex-spouse). This is why, until a decree of nullity (an “annulment”) is issued, a marriage is considered intact. Hence, the partners need to conduct themselves as being married. You mention that your divorced-and-remarried non-Catholic friends are blessed by God. We’ll learn at the last judgment whether that is really so. In any case, the idea of divorce and remarriage being sinful isn’t something the Church invented. It comes from the lips of Our Lord himself (see Luke 16:18). As for what non-Catholics do: Their denominations don’t teach the fullness of the faith as revealed by Christ. Perhaps Our Lord in his mercy will hold them to a different standard. For those of us gifted with the Catholic faith, it’s good to remember Jesus’ words, “Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more” (Luke 12:48). It’s good to remember your core identity. You are a beloved daughter of God. He isn’t here to make your life miserable. He is here to help you reach salvation. You seem to be lonely. It might be good to dedicate your time to some kind of volunteer work. Try to build a network of good Catholic friends. It’s easier to live the faith within a community. Also, seek out a solid, regular confessor and/or spiritual director who can guide you. It helps to have an objective view. And don’t be too quick to relish what other people seem to have. We never know most of the struggles they have — especially those who don’t have the help of all the sacraments. So give God a chance. Dedicate time to prayer and the sacraments, and the Holy Spirit will be there to support you. I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.