Q: My 13-year-old daughter is being disrespectful during Mass. She doesn’t follow the Mass, is awkward with others during the rite of peace, and today she decided that she wasn’t going to take Communion because she was tired and didn’t want to walk up to the altar. I didn’t want to make a scene so I left her alone. I did talk to her about her behavior on the way home. My heart breaks because I wish someone would have introduced me to Jesus when I was 13. I want her to love Jesus and the Catholic Church the way I do. Any advice? Did she commit a sin by refusing to take Communion without a valid reason? Thank you so much! – O.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It’s good that you called out your daughter on her behavior at Mass.
It’s important she be held to a certain level of respect. It is the Mass, after all, our highest form of prayer.
If you insist on proper behavior and hold the line, the lesson will sink in. Your daughter needs your loving guidance and firmness.
As for Communion: Catholics are required to receive it at least once a year. It’s not necessary for everyone to receive Communion at every Mass.
In fact, a person who is not in a state of grace should refrain and try to get to confessions as soon as possible.
But assuming that mortal sin isn’t the problem here, it’s not advisable to force your daughter to receive Communion. You don’t want to make it a negative experience for her. Nor do you want to intrude too much on what is a very personal decision.
Her behavior indicates a lack of understanding and/or appreciation for the Mass. It’s possible that she needs a bit of catechesis to understand what the Eucharistic celebration is all about.
A few suggestions:
First, intensify your prayers for your daughter. If need be, offer up sacrifices for her, too.
Second, you might suggest that she and you watch a video that explains the Mass and then discuss it. One example is a video from the Diocese of Arlington.
Another, seemingly unrelated suggestion is this: Get involved in some kind of volunteer work with your daughter.
This could include visiting a shut-in in the neighborhood or collecting items for a pro-life crisis pregnancy center.
This could give you time together to talk about the faith and bring Gospel charity to those on the margins.
It could enrich you both. Count on my prayers.
