Q: My 13-year-old daughter is being disrespectful during Mass. She doesn’t follow the Mass, is awkward with others during the rite of peace, and today she decided that she wasn’t going to take Communion because she was tired and didn’t want to walk up to the altar. I didn’t want to make a scene so I left her alone. I did talk to her about her behavior on the way home. My heart breaks because I wish someone would have introduced me to Jesus when I was 13. I want her to love Jesus and the Catholic Church the way I do. Any advice? Did she commit a sin by refusing to take Communion without a valid reason? Thank you so much! – O.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It’s good that you called out your daughter on her behavior at Mass.
It’s important she be held to a certain level of respect. It is the Mass, after all, our highest form of prayer.
If you insist on proper behavior and hold the line, the lesson will sink in. Your daughter needs your loving guidance and firmness.
As for Communion: Catholics are required to receive it at least once a year. It’s not necessary for everyone to receive Communion at every Mass.
In fact, a person who is not in a state of grace should refrain and try to get to confessions as soon as possible.
But assuming that mortal sin isn’t the problem here, it’s not advisable to force your daughter to receive Communion. You don’t want to make it a negative experience for her. Nor do you want to intrude too much on what is a very personal decision.
Her behavior indicates a lack of understanding and/or appreciation for the Mass. It’s possible that she needs a bit of catechesis to understand what the Eucharistic celebration is all about.
A few suggestions:
First, intensify your prayers for your daughter. If need be, offer up sacrifices for her, too.
Second, you might suggest that she and you watch a video that explains the Mass and then discuss it. One example is a video from the Diocese of Arlington.
Another, seemingly unrelated suggestion is this: Get involved in some kind of volunteer work with your daughter.
This could include visiting a shut-in in the neighborhood or collecting items for a pro-life crisis pregnancy center.
This could give you time together to talk about the faith and bring Gospel charity to those on the margins.
The Ignited by Truth Conference is one of the largest Catholic conferences on the East Coast with a general attendance of 1400-3000 people. Since 2003, the Ignited by Truth Conference has brought nationally-known, dynamic Catholic speakers annually to the Diocese of Raleigh to enlighten the minds of thousands of adults, young adults, high school and middle school students. God’s graces have enkindled many hearts through the opportunities given for prayer and the sacraments, Catholic books and media have been purchased and taken away for further study and sharing, and ministry displays have inspired works of service. The Ignited by Truth conference brings people together to experience the joy of life with God and sends them forth to be powerful witnesses to the Catholic faith in their families and communities. The mission of Ignited by Truth is to spread the light of truth from the teachings of the Catholic Church and ignite the hearts of fellow Catholics in a love for their faith. In addition to their annual conference, Ignited by Truth shares the treasures of the Catholic faith through their website, social media, email, and a blog series called Wind and Flame.
In February of 2003, a group of mothers dedicated to raising and educating their children in the Catholic faith suggested bringing noted Catholic speakers to Raleigh. Within four months, financing for the first Ignited by Truth conference was secured, a venue had been selected, and nine noted Catholic speakers were engaged, including author Dr. Marcellino D’Ambrosio, apologist Jim Burnham, and speaker and convert Michael Cumbie. Since then, Ignited by Truth speakers have included notable speakers like Patrick Madrid, Edward Sri, Scott Hahn, Tim Gray, Peter Kreeft, Jeff Cavins, Janet Smith, Abby Johnson, Jennifer Fulwiler, Immaculee Ilibagiza, and Fr. Mike Schmitz. Talks are designed to enhance, encourage, and build faith, and to give attendees the courage and determination to proclaim what they have received, and address all areas of life, like Scripture, prayer, the sacraments, apologetics, vocations, evangelization, and theology and science.
The 22nd annual Ignited by Truth Catholic Conference and Lenten retreat was held this year on April 4-5, and was attended by approximately 1600 people. Bishop of Raleigh Luis Rafael Zarama, encouraged this year’s attendees to be pilgrims of hope this Jubilee Year. “No matter where we are traveling or what obstacles we encounter, God is always present,” he stated in his letter of support. “Let us humbly ask Our Lord to strengthen us in our collective mission to bring to light the truth of the teachings of the Catholic Church and to ignite in all hearts a love for the Faith and for each other.”
The conference began with a Night of Worship that included confessions, a blessing of the weekend by Fr. Jason Brooks, LC, and Eucharistic adoration and procession, with music provided by Dana Catherine. The keynote address that evening was given by Dan Briggs, who served as a Special Forces medic with the National Guard before transitioning to active duty, during which time he had multiple combat deployments in Iraq, Afghanistan, and North Africa. He also worked as a Hollywood stuntman and a professional pilot, and he more recently has been a part of a nonprofit organization called Sentinel Foundation, which works to counter child trafficking and exploitation, and provide crisis response to preserve human life during emergency situations.
Dan’s conversion came after several significant combat injuries that changed the course of his life and eventually led to his medical retirement from the Armed Forces in 2015, after 17 years of service. After a troubled childhood and adolescence, and substantial medical issues that threatened the continuation of the military career that he loved, Dan had grown angry with the God who he felt had abandoned him as a child, and now had failed to protect him and was stripping him of his life’s work. Slowly, he came to realize that he had been placing his identity in his own abilities and accomplishments, which had always left him feeling dissatisfied. On Easter of 2013, Dan joined the Catholic Church.
“I had always put my value in what I had done and what I had been, but I didn’t think I was worthy to be loved. Where does your true value come from? The truth comes from the fact that you are a son or daughter of God, and because of that, you have inherent value, and you are worthy to be loved, and that inherent worth can never be stripped from you no matter what happens.”
The main conference was held on Saturday, and began with a rosary led by Fr. Jason, followed by Mass presided by Fr. Michael Burbeck, vicar general of the Diocese of Raleigh. Speakers included Catholic author and speaker, Sonja Corbitt; Msgr. James Shea, president of the University of Mary; Sr. Kraemar of the Dominican Sisters of the Congregation of St. Cecilia in Nashville, Tennessee; author and cloistered monk, Fr. Augustine Wetta; and Fr. Robert Spitzer, president of the Magis Center of Reason and Faith and the Napa Institute.
Fr. Robert Spitzer, who has authored many books and scholarly articles, particularly on the topic of faith and science, including the award-winning books New Proofs for the Existence of God and Science, Reason, and Faith: Discovering the Bible, spoke on the miracles of the Eucharist and the intercession of Mary at Lourdes as seen through the lens and scrutiny of science.
“When we put these two facets of our uniquely Catholic faith together in our lives, and we appeal to Mary and receive the Holy Eucharist as often as we can, appealing to Jesus to transform our hearts and to forgive our sins, we can rescue the entire world,” says Fr. Spitzer. “Because Mary is a part of the economy of salvation, and the Holy Eucharist really is the Real Presence, and the real body and blood of Jesus Christ, really transforming us, really protecting us, really guiding us, really inspiring us, really breaking the grip of the evil spirit, really moving us through the mystical body into the heart of Jesus Christ and Mary forever.”
To find out more about Ignited by Truth, and for highlights and talks from this year’s conference, visit their website at ignitedbytruth.org. Stay connected on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, or subscribe to their email list to be informed of upcoming events.
You can also join Ignited by Truth on the first Saturday of every month, when they host a rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet at a different parish throughout the diocese of Raleigh. Find the next event here.
To find out more about Regnum Christi North Carolina, visit their website at rcnorthcarolina.org.
And the God who answers by fire, he is God. —1 Kings 18:24
T.S. Eliot, in his majestic Four Quartets, describes it like this: “The dove descending breaks the air/With flames of incandescent terror/Of which the tongues declare/The one discharge from sin and error./The only hope, or else despair/Lies in the choice of pyre or pyre/To be redeemed from fire by fire.”
The Holy Spirit descends in tongues as of flame at Pentecost; the Lord has answered by fire; and that fire, like all fire, burns. Scripture speaks at times of the fire of God’s wrath—but how should we understand the anger of God? God is love; he is the almighty Father who also loves us with the tenderness of a mother (Isaiah 49:15-17). Therefore, he is never angry at us, in the sense that we understand anger. To imply this is to stray far from Christianity.
God is not angry at us, then, but he is, in a sense, angry for us. The Lord’s fire is directed at whatever wounds our true identity, at whatever harms our relationship with him, at whatever maims our true joy and freedom as his beloved sons and daughters. He is angry for us, and he will consume whatever prevents us being fully alive in his love.
Fire burns, and in that process it purifies. What might the Holy Spirit, the consuming fire of God’s love, be purifying in order to give me true life? What cobwebs of selfishness in the corners of my heart need the Holy Spirit’s consuming flame?
All this comes from the Lord’s love; and that allows Eliot to affirm, “Who then devised the torment? Love./Love is the unfamiliar Name/Behind the hands that wove the intolerable shirt of flame/Which human power cannot remove./We only live, only suspire/Consumed by either fire or fire.”
And, of course, what T.S. Eliot can only hint at, the Holy Spirit accomplishes in our own personal Pentecosts: “The Love of God has been poured into our hearts, through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:5). This love is fire; and as we consent to its action, we too know that “the God who answers by fire, he is God.”
Jesus said to his disciples: “You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.”
Opening Prayer: Dear Jesus, help me to hear your words and understand them. Plant your word deep in my heart so that I bear good fruits of truth, goodness, and beauty in my walk as your disciple. May I always give glory to you and not myself.
Encountering Christ:
Discipleship Manual: This Gospel passage is from the Sermon on the Mount. We will hear from the Sermon on the Mount for the rest of the week. In this famous sermon, Jesus appeared as a new Moses who gave a deeper meaning of God’s law to his disciples. He taught about the disposition of the heart and the new level of morality that he expects from his followers. These were formation lessons for his disciples. During the Gospel readings this week, listen closely for Jesus’ instructions for discipleship and how to live a truly Christian life. We could think of it as a discipleship manual.
Salt to Bring Out the Best: Part of the role of a Christian disciple is to make the world a better place for others. The places where we live and work should be more peaceful and happy as a result of the good fruits of virtue that we bring with us. Salt is a seasoning that brings out the distinct flavors of foods. As Christ’s disciples, we can strive to help bring out the best in others. We can ask ourselves if we set a good example by being cheerful, trustworthy, helpful, and kind. When we seek to live a life of virtue and gently encourage others to do likewise, we live out our call to be the salt of the earth.
Light to Shine for Christ: Being the salt of the earth helps to bring out the best in others. To be the light of the world means to shine Christ’s light to all through works of mercy and love. This shining light is not our own, but borrowed from Christ, the light of the world (cf. Jn 8:12). It is the Holy Spirit’s fire burning inside us, illuminating the world around us with God’s truth, goodness, and beauty. Do we bring the light of Christ to others by speaking with truth and charity? Are we cheerful in service, therefore bringing the light of Christ’s joy to all situations? It is helpful to remember that our light and joy does not come from our own inner stores, but shines forth from Christ who dwells in us. It is his light, not our own, that radiates to others (cf. Gal 2:20).
Conversing with Christ: Lord Jesus, I praise and thank you for your teaching. It encourages me to serve you with my whole heart. I am sorry for the times when I have failed through my sins and have allowed my salt to be “trampled underfoot” and my light to be put “under a bushel basket.” Please fill me with the joyful purpose of being your salt and light for the people in my life.
Resolution: Lord, today by your grace I will pay attention to the times when you are calling me to be your salt by bringing out the best in others and when you are calling me to be your light by bearing your truth, goodness, and beauty to different situations.
Carey Boyzuck is a wife, mother, freelance writer, and lay member of Regnum Christi. She blogs at Word Life Light.
Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.
In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.
Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.
From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.
Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!
