Q: Over time I’ve begun to dislike going to Mass. I attend on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, but it is not with fervor. I am distracted by every noise or movement around me, detest the antics of children, mentally criticize parishioners, do not offer a sign of peace, and leave without chatting. I must be sinning the entire time I’m before the Blessed Sacrament and Our Lord. Many times, I don’t receive Communion because I know I’m not in a state of grace. When I confessed this to my priest he didn’t comment; he just said to say a rosary for my penance. But I don’t feel absolved. — Marie
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: One sign of a good prayer life and a good Eucharistic life is that we grow in the virtues.
If this isn’t happening — indeed if things seem worse at Mass — it’s time to step back and consider whether something else is going on in your life.
Perhaps the devil is (successfully) getting you distracted at Mass. He loves doing that.
Still, your problem seems to be deeper and broader than merely being distracted.
My short advice is this:
Use a missal if that helps you concentrate on the Mass.
Look for alternative places to sit, away from distracting children, for instance. Or look for a quieter parish church.
If you find yourself criticizing others and avoiding even conversations after Mass, you might ask whether you are becoming too isolated.
Try to get involved with some kind of volunteer work if you aren’t already. Reaching out and helping others can help you grow in patience and generosity.
Paradoxically, the love of silence and outward acts of piety can weave a cocoon around us. Like the pharisee in the parable in Luke 18:9-14, our acts of piety can lose their focus on God and even trigger disdain for others who don’t measure up to our standards.
As for the absolution: if you tried your best to confess, the absolution is valid.
But again, there might be deeper issues under the surface.
It might be good to do a retreat at a solid Catholic retreat center and/or find a solid, regular confessor to guide you.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
