Q: My husband has become a lapsed Catholic and no longer attends Mass. On Sundays, I get up early and take my 11-year-old son to Mass while my husband is asleep (he likes to sleep late), and he’s fine with this arrangement. However, on holidays or vacations when we have plans in the morning, my husband is unwilling to sacrifice those plans [for me] to go to Mass, and if I press the issue, it causes stress in our marriage and will potentially cause an argument. If it wasn’t for my husband, I would happily seek out a Catholic church while on vacation and still attend Mass. So, my question is, am I committing a mortal sin by not going to church during these times? Is not wanting to upset my husband and cause issues in our marriage considered a valid reason? Thank you! — J
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
I’m sorry to hear about the situation.
The short answer is: Your first duty is to God. No one has no right to ask you to skip Mass.
If you skip Mass, it’s more likely that your son will start to conclude that Mass — and the Catholic faith itself — isn’t that important. After all, if Mom and Dad skip Mass, what’s the big deal?
You might be tempted to skip Mass to “keep the peace” at home. But it will be a false peace.
It will reinforce your husband’s idea that Mass isn’t important if he sees you skipping it. A consequent danger is that religion starts to fade into the background of your home.
A big part of your duty as a wife is to try to help your husband get to heaven. You won’t accomplish that by neglecting your own duties as a Catholic.
This is the moment to double down on the practice of your faith.
You might want to intensify your prayers for your spouse and to offer sacrifices for him. These sacrifices could include cooler showers or moderate fasting.
Try to look for opportunities to remind him how important the faith is to you and how important it is to you to pass on the faith to your son.
It might also be good to speak with your pastor or confessor for further guidance.
Count on my prayers.
