Q: Most of my friends are non-Catholic, and some are non-Christian. I’m very open and upfront about being religious, so I don’t think there’s many cases where I’m forced to compromise my faith when I’m around them. They all respect the fact that I don’t have premarital sex or drink alcohol or curse, etc., and while some of them do partake in those activities, they know that I would not approve (I don’t harp on it unless directly asked for advice). They are all very kind people, and we do various hobbies together and have a lot of interests in common. I was wondering if having deep friendships like this with non-Catholics and non-Christians is OK or not from a Catholic standpoint. I’ve read some articles, and it seems that while there’s no prohibition or anything, it’s discouraged. I’d imagine this is probably because a lot of friendships like that put people in danger of sinning when around their friends, since their end goals aren’t aligned. I know that the most intimate form of friendship is between man and God, or between two believers who both seek to help each other grow in virtue. But is it possible for a Catholic to have a solid and deep friendship with a non-Catholic? — Kaitlyn

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:

A: It’s great that you are open about your faith and that your friends understand and respect your views.

Part of our lives as Catholics is to share the faith with others and give witness by our example.

Some well-meaning people mistakenly think that we always need to keep our distance from others who don’t share our faith or who have no faith at all.

This isn’t how Jesus lived; he interacted with sinners and the marginalized. He went in search of the lost sheep.

If ever some of your friends might consider joining the Church, it might be in part because of what they see in you.

So, it’s OK to have friendships with people who don’t see 100% eye-to-eye with you.

That said, there are other things to keep in mind.

First, relationships and friendships can evolve, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

You would need to step back occasionally and evaluate how you and your friends are influencing one another.

Do they seem to be growing in virtue? Are you growing in virtue?

Or do you perceive that you are getting more tolerant about the objectively sinful behavior of others? Are you becoming more open about your faith or less so?

In a word, are you helping to convert them? Or are they converting you to the ways of the world?

This is the kind of thing that needs to be gauged constantly.

A related consideration is, to borrow a phrase from economics, opportunity cost.

That is, when we decide to do or buy something, we are giving up the opportunity to do or buy something else.

If you spend Thursday nights watching movies with your non-Christian friends, for instance, you might be giving up the chance to attend Eucharistic adoration at your parish.

Or if you spend a Friday night socializing with three friends who happen to be in less-than-chaste relationships with their boyfriends, you might be giving up an opportunity to socializing with a young Catholic adults.

You get the idea.

One suggestion: Whatever you do, give yourself goals.

Look for things that help you go deeper into the faith. This could include prayer or study or Eucharistic adoration or even consciously trying to help a friend learn more about the Catholic faith.

Having such a goal will help you to stay aware of the need for constant growth in holiness.

For related reading, see my colleague Father Bartunek’s book Go! 30 Meditations on How Best to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.

I hope that some of this helps. Count on my prayers.