Q: How do I talk to God? I try to sit in silence and ask him questions about a very important decision, but I don’t know if it is my subconscious talking to me or God talking to me. How do I differentiate the two, and how do I correctly talk to God and ask him questions? – N.J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Yours is a big question!

Talking to God isn’t like talking to your sister. You can’t see him, but he’s there.

And while he could speak to someone with a humanlike voice, God usually communicates more subtly and mysteriously.

A few quick ideas:

Don’t worry too much about the style of prayer. Just try to dedicate quiet time and try to be aware of God’s presence. You are his beloved daughter, and he loves it when you spend time with him.

If you want to speak from the heart, that’s fine. If saying a few prayers helps, that’s fine. The important thing is to try to focus on him. You can ask him for things, but it’s important to listen to him.

Listening means trying to be attentive to the movement of your heart. God might communicate with you at other times of the day: through an encounter with someone, through a word you hear in a conversation, or through a blessed object you see in a residence. The range is endless.

But to your other question: How do you know it’s God speaking and not you just talking to yourself?

This is where it helps to look for ways to stay objective.

Concretely, that means getting to confession on a regular basis, or having some kind of spiritual guide. It means studying what the Church teaches on various topics; for God will never contradict what the Church teaches.

At a practical level it helps to study the faith in a general way. Get a copy of the Youth Catechism (YouCat), for starters.

Then, read some books of spirituality, such as the Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. And don’t forget the Bible, especially the Gospels.

Remember, though, that God isn’t a vending machine. You can’t just plug in your coins (prayers) and expect a candy bar (the answer) to pop out.

God might seem evasive at times because he communicates in whispers. And to hear whispers you need to maintain an air of recollection in your life.

Also helpful could be my colleague Father Bartunek’s post on the four C’s of prayer.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.