Q: I’ve been struggling in my relationship with the Lord. I thought that since it’s summer now, and school is over, I could focus on him, but it’s gotten worse. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending time looking for a job or spending more time with friends and family. So, this question is a two-parter. 1) How can I grow my relationship with God? How do I become a better Christian? And 2) Is listening to secular music a sin? Is it really that bad? I love the music I listen to, but they don’t talk about God. Yes, there are some swear words, and possibly bad metaphors, but if it doesn’t affect my relationship with God, then is it okay? I feel myself going back into my old, bad habits. So I need guidance. Right now, the world has become my comfort, rather than God being my comfort. Please help. — Fatima

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good that you are at least aware that your relationship with God needs to improve. That is a grace from the Holy Spirit.

Without knowing more about your situation, I’ll stick with general advice.

First, our relationship with God is a little like our relationship with others: We need to dedicate time to it to cultivate it.

So, it would be good to get back to basics. Dedicate three or four times throughout the day to prayer. Make this non-negotiable. Just as you need to eat three or four times a day to feed your body, you need to pray frequently to let your soul be nourished.

You might consider praying when you get up in the morning. Pray the Angelus around midday. Read Scripture for 5 or 10 minutes in the afternoon, along with praying a rosary or at least a decade or two.

At bedtime, do a short examination of conscience. Ask yourself how you did that day. Ask pardon for sins and resolve to do better the next day.

Also, consider drawing up a vocation statement for yourself, along with a program of life.

The vocation statement involves how you see yourself and your purpose in life. The program of life helps you focus on how to work on reaching goals and growing in the practice of the virtues.

You mention secular music. That means the Holy Spirit might be nudging you to do a rethink.

It’s good to remember that music can have a profound impact on us—that’s why we are drawn to it. Secular lyrics can shape our worldview subtly, especially in the area of purity. So don’t underestimate the impact of this music. (It could even be one reason for your current problem.)

You might consider housecleaning your media. Purge your shelves and devices of racy and irreverent music, and focus on something more elevated (Christian music, classical music, etc.).

And re-evaluate how you are spending your time. Try compiling a grid of your hour-by-hour schedule during the week. Do you do volunteer work? Some kind of work for the poor or homeless? Do you help at the parish? (All this could be included in a program of life.)

And stay close to the sacraments. Frequent confession with a solid confessor can be of immense value.

But before you tackle all the points above, ask yourself what the Spirit is asking you to do the most, right now. Then do it. Life is short. You want to make the best of it.

Count on my prayers.