Q: Is it rude to pray and ask God to make you love him and pursue him more? I’ve always been on this roller coaster where I tend to forget about my faith in times where I feel like I’ve got everything in control, and when all things fail, I reach out and ask for forgiveness and then the cycle restarts. I don’t know how to escape from this, I feel so unworthy. — Jan
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
A: It’s good at least that you want to love God more.
Without knowing much about your personal situation, it sounds as though you need to get off the roller coaster.
You mention forgetting your faith when you feel you have everything under control. The old saying, “Pride goes before the fall” seems to apply here.
In fact, it helps us to always remember that anything good in our life comes from God. The only thing truly ours is our sins.
If things are going well at the moment, that is a grace of God and should be recognized as such.
It sounds as though you are treating God like a fire extinguisher, turning to him when an emergency erupts. That can be a bit rude.
What you need to do is cultivate a spirit of humility, to recognize your total dependence on God, and to nurture a deep sense of gratitude to him.
The first step would be to dedicate time to prayer throughout the day. Pray when you get up. Pray at midday before lunch. Pause for prayer in the late afternoon or before or after dinner. Do an examen of conscience at bedtime.
And offer up little prayers of thanks for good things that happen during the day.
In general, dedicate yourself to prayer every day, rain or shine, whether you feel like it or not. And pray for an increase in love of God.
Moreover, look for ways to help others: family members, co-workers, the poor.
The more you give of yourself, the more you receive — and the more you are aware of the meaning of your life, which is to give glory to God and to help others.
Also helpful is to find a solid, regular confessor and to stay close to the Eucharist.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
