Q: From what I understand, vainglory is the desire to receive compliments and praise from others. But I always thought that this was a natural part of being a pro-social human being; it’s normal to want to belong and to have our hard work acknowledged. I want to get a good annual review at my job. I want my boyfriend to like my new dress. I’ll ask my friends what they think of my new painting, hoping they like it. Is this wrong? Is this somehow sinful? I used to think it was only sinful when you were putting man’s opinions and praise over God’s, but is any desire for praise or affirmation by our peers and superiors a sin? — Kaitlyn
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
Like a lot of things, vainglory, or vanity, can appear anywhere on a wide spectrum.
As your comments suggest, it would be a bit unnatural if we didn’t appreciate being noticed, complimented or thanked, at least occasionally. Even Jesus seemed put off by the cured lepers who failed to show gratitude (Luke 17:11-19).
Seeking the attention of others, of course, can be taken to extremes.
It wouldn’t be good and indeed could be sinful if we spent our lives constantly seeking affirmation for everything we do. That would hint at self-centeredness or even narcissism.
Then there is the spiritual dimension.
One of the factors for a person’s growth in holiness is detachment from the things of this world.
This includes detachment from material things and money, etc., as well as the need for praise from others.
This doesn’t come easily to us.
Jesus himself is the great model of detachment: He was born poor, lived poor, died poor.
And he kept focused on his mission even though at times his hometown rejected him, the religious leaders of the day conspired against him, and even his own apostles abandoned or betrayed him on the eve of his death.
Growth in holiness means, in part, the imitation of Jesus in his virtues. He made his Father in heaven his top priority.
The fact that you are raising questions about vainglory/vanity might be a sign that the Holy Spirit is nudging you to be careful not to seek the esteem of other humans too much.
So how could you grow in a spirit of detachment?
The short answer is to try to do everything for the glory of God and for the good of others.
When you work, do it for God’s glory and to help others. When you dress, do it in a modest way that reflects your dignity as a daughter of God. If you paint, do it to help bring a bit of joy and beauty into the lives of others.
When doing acts of charity, aim to do them discreetly so as not to draw attention to yourself.
Also, cultivate devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. Imitate her modesty and simplicity.
Do all this and you can be on the way to becoming a saint.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
