Q: I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, and in a lot of pain and hurt, I gossiped a lot about it to anyone who would listen. It was a form of coping for me and a way to feel better about it. But it was wrong of me. I am afraid that often I exaggerated his faults. I’m worried because I think I made him sound worse than he was. Now the people I talked to didn’t really know him and probably won’t see him again. Should I try to make restitution and go back and explain to people that he wasn’t as bad as I made him out to be? I am very scrupulous sometimes, so advice is much appreciated! Thank you. – Abigail

 

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: Scrupulosity doesn’t seem to be the problem here. You recognize, rightly, that you did something wrong. Gossiping about someone — indeed, slandering a person — can be a grave matter. It can ruin someone’s reputation. It would be good to mention all this in confession if you haven’t done so. As for restitution: This is a trickier matter. If you have opportunities to speak well of your ex-boyfriend and apologize for some of your earlier comments, then do so. But be careful not to make matters worse by bringing up the topic again with people who might not want to be burdened by hearing of your personal problems. You need to show prudence. Perhaps this experience can drive home the importance of speaking well of others. There are times when we might need to report someone’s bad or dangerous behavior. But we should only speak with those who are able to do something about it. Romantic relations and breakups are usually in a different realm. If you feel heartache, take it to Jesus in prayer. There is enough nastiness and negativity in the world. There is no need to add fuel to the fire. I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.