Q: So I’m a Protestant, but I’ve begun to explore Catholicism after many years of feeling disenchanted with my old faith system. I’m still a little uneasy about it because I worry it’ll be like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. My youth group was deeply into evangelical purity/modesty culture, and us girls were taught it was our responsibility as women to make things easier for our brothers in Christ and be modest so they wouldn’t “stumble.” Unlucky for me, I became very well-endowed at an early age. I became extremely paranoid about my body and making men stumble. As an adult, I struggle with dating because men only seem interested in my figure and want me in a sexual way. It makes me feel like just a piece of meat. I spent 15 or so years angry with God for making my body like this, believing my body is shameful or disgusting. I look around at church and see how beautiful and wholesome other women look compared to me, and it makes me feel so inadequate. I did voice my concerns to a Catholic friend, and she asked me to consider that my figure is a symbol of womanhood and how comforting it will be for my babies someday. Despite my reservations, I am still interested in learning more about the Catholic faith. I find your Masses very peaceful and uplifting. I just want to make sure I’m making the right decision and not just further traumatizing myself. — C.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A:
It’s great to hear that you are interested in Catholicism. The Church has the fullness of what Jesus taught, and it has the sacraments that Our Lord instituted to help us get to heaven.
First, it is good to remember your core identity: You are a beloved daughter of God. He created you out of love.
You are a unity of body and soul, and both are beautiful to him. God never creates anything bad.
So, your body is not a thing of shame or disgust. It is something good; used well, it can help you to give glory to God and to reach salvation.
The fact that you were in a youth group that encouraged purity and modesty was a grace, especially in this culture. And your Catholic friend’s advice seems sound, too.
So, how should you proceed?
Continue to dress modestly, and seek out jackets, etc., that could give an extra layer of cover. There are websites that could help.
Remember, too, that your personal example of modesty sends a strong message to the men around you. Your modesty in speech and comportment helps to hold men to a high standard. And those who don’t respect you aren’t worth your time.
Since you don’t want to become isolated at all, it might be good to get involved in volunteer work, especially work that puts you in touch with women, such as pro-life crisis pregnancy centers or assisted-living centers where elderly women would appreciate a visit.
If you can do this sort of thing with religiously minded other young women, that might help. This will help you maintain a sense of community.
Then, little by little, with God’s grace, you might be able to meet men who will treat you with respect. Perhaps your female friends could introduce you to decent guys.
In the meantime, you might also consider joining the OCIA. This program is designed to teach the basics of Catholic doctrine and practices with an eye toward a person’s entrance into the Church (usually at the Easter vigil Mass).
You could contact the nearest Catholic parish and ask about the OCIA. Count on my prayers.
