September 30, 2025

“Ask a Priest: Am I Doomed Because of a Faulty Marriage?”

Q: This year, after many years away from the faith, I turned back to God. It was on my heart to have the sacrament of reconciliation and eventually confirmation, so I scheduled an appointment with a priest. I was looking forward to this because I hadn’t been to confession in about 30 years. The priest asked if I was married (yes, for 10 years). He then asked if we were married in the Church. I explained that because I wasn’t living my faith at the time we got married, no, we did not get married in the Church. He said that because we weren’t married in the Church, my husband and I are living in grave sin daily, and therefore there wasn’t much point in hearing my confession. I understood this but didn’t know what that had to do with my other sins. The priest said that the only way for me to have reconciliation was for my husband and I to have a marriage in the Church. He said that the process would take about a year, and during that time my husband and I needed to sleep separately and abstain from intimacy. I knew this would be a big ask for my husband because he is not religious at all. On a practical level, I also didn’t think this was reasonable to ask of a married couple. When I mentioned this to my husband, he said that he would “absolutely not” agree to it, and then he had some choice words about hypocrisy and grave sin within the Catholic Church itself. Now I know that reconciliation will forever be out of the question for me because of my marriage. Was this priest correct in what he told me? Am I really damned to hell because my husband won’t agree to a Catholic marriage? – S.M.

 

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: It’s good that you feel drawn back to God and to the living of your faith. That shows that the Holy Spirit is trying to guide you. From what you say, it sounds as though the priest gave you sound advice. He was forthright about what you need to do to return to confession and communion. The conclusions you have drawn are a bit faulty, but we will return to that point. It is always good to understand the big picture when seeking advice on things like marriage. Marriage is a sacrament, and the Church as Christ’s special instrument in the world has been given the authority to safeguard the sacraments. A Catholic who wants to marry needs Church approval. This, in part, helps to ensure (in theory, at least) that the couple are prepared well for marriage. Since you didn’t have proper approval, your marriage isn’t recognized by the Church and thus isn’t blessed by God. That is why you can’t licitly engage in intimate relations with your partner. The ideal would be to seek a convalidation (“blessing”) of the marriage. Your partner wouldn’t be required to convert. In the meantime, unless you separate or at least live as brother and sister, you continue to live in objectively grave sin, as the priest indicated. That is why you can’t receive absolution through confession. Absolution requires sorrow for all sins and the firm resolution to avoid sin. If your intention is to continue to be intimate with your partner, that means, ipso facto, you aren’t sorry for all your sins — and thus can’t be absolved of any of them. You mention that it’s a big ask for your partner to forgo intimacy for now. True. But the point of your request is so that you could return to the sacraments — which is something obviously important to you. His refusal, in effect, means he is making a far bigger ask of you: to forgo the sacraments so that he doesn’t have to make a sacrifice. When two people really love each other, they want the best for each other. Christians want to help each other reach heaven. Is your partner helping you in this regard? The story isn’t over, though. The Holy Spirit can do wonders. You say that confession is forever out of the question because of your marriage. But there is always hope. You are on a journey and so is your partner. What seems impossible today might seem doable in the future. My short advice is to intensify your prayer life, attend Mass regularly (though refrain from Communion), and start offering sacrifices for your partner. Sacrifices could include fasting and other forms of mortification, such as cold showers. Those prayers and sacrifices might help to merit the graces needed to change your partner’s heart. Cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary through the rosary. She will intercede for you. I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.  

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The Fantastic Family of Five

Dear Friends,

 

Marvel Studios has outdone itself again with “The Fantastic Four: First Steps” [spoiler alert].  At the heart of the plot is the importance of family life—centered on the child to be born.

The movie briefly explains how four astronauts turn into super-heroes via cosmic rays while in space, Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic), his wife Sue (Invisible Woman), her brother Johnny (Human Torch), and their best friend Ben (The Thing). They form the Fantastic Four, more of a family than a team.  Early in the movie it’s revealed that after a prolonged struggle to get pregnant, Sue is finally expecting. The family of four rejoices—number five is on his way.

Enter Galactus, a planet-consuming supervillain from outer space with extraordinary power rivalling that of an ancient pagan god. Thanks to Galactus’ messenger, a female Silver Surfer who travels through space on a surfboard, the earth learns that it’s next on the menu.  Our four heroes spring into action and decide to head Galactus off at the pass—deep in space. They manage an audience, and Galactus agrees to spare the earth in exchange for Reed and Sue’s unborn child, due at any moment. Apparently, the child has sufficient power to enable him to replace and relieve Galactus of his own undesirable journey of perennial planetary consumption. Our family of four balks and are, barely, able to escape Galactus and the Surfer.

Once back on earth our heroes reveal that Galactus is still coming to consume the earth and that they rejected sacrificing their son (born on the return trip to earth) to save the planet. Naturally, a frightened society thinks it a reasonable exchange—the child for the world. In perhaps the film’s central moment, Sue declares to a worried crowd, “I will not sacrifice my child for the world; nor will I sacrifice the world for my child.”  Our four heroes now mobilize the world to fight Galactus. Plan A fails, but eventually the four lure Galactus into a trap that sends him far from earth and unable to return, but not before Sue dies in expending all her energy to protect Franklin, her infant, from the supervillain. After failing to resuscitate his wife, Reed places the crying baby on Sue’s body, and through some power of his own, the baby shocks his mother back to life—a defibrillating hug of sorts.

There are several lessons here.  Let’s focus on three: the fear behind child sacrifice, the mystery of the child, and the gift of the child.

Firstly, Galactus represents a pagan god not only in his power but in what he demands—a type of human sacrifice to spare the earth.  Human sacrifices and specifically the sacrifice of children to pagan gods was common in numerous pre-Christian cultures. The same held true in the Old Testament, with the Canaanites sacrificing their children to Baal (see Jeremiah 19:5). The idea was to appease the gods. If there was no sacrifice, there might be a drought or some other calamity. The motivation was fear.

Even our four face an Abraham-like dilemma, knowing that only their child would draw Galactus into their trap. Like Isaac, however, the child is spared.

Today, fear is a prime motivator of abortion. As one pro-life blogger put it, statistics show that women don’t have abortions because they don’t want a baby but because “they don’t believe they have the support they need to raise a child.” Sue found that support from her family, which enabled her to resist both Galactus and societal pressure to do otherwise. As a Church, we must continue to support women who find themselves alone in a crisis pregnancy.

Secondly, the child is a mystery. Due to their superpowers, Reed, a scientific genius, is particularly concerned that the baby is born healthy. At one point, he tells his infant son that he’s tried to figure him out and that “you will just have to show me who you are.” The child is not an object to be calculated and managed, but a person to encounter.  Parental responsibility notwithstanding, a mother and father stand before the enigma of their child’s personality, gifts, and vocation—all given by God, and all to be gradually revealed.

Finally, when the baby saves his mother’s life, he represents the amazing gift every newborn is to his parents and to the world. The child’s need inspires generosity in the parents and siblings. Children’s innocence helps the parents and grandparents renew their own childlike simplicity. Even one-time atheist and communist, Whitiker Chambers, became a believer after contemplating the intricate beauty of his infant’s ears, which “were not created by any chance.”’ It has been said that every newborn child is a sign that God has not given up on humanity. How much life, grace, and joy a baby brings to a family!

Family values are omnipresent in this movie. There is no sense of it being ‘preachy,’ it simply tells a beautiful story. Through super-hero-level challenges, our foursome knows itself blessed with the fifth and smallest member.  Even saving the world seemed to take second place in their joy.  Marvel might have to rebrand the sequel to “The Fantastic Family of Five.”

Your Friend in Christ,

Fr. John Bullock, LC
Author of the RC Essay A Heart Like Jesus: A Regnum Christi Essay on Contemplating and Imitating Jesus and book A Cyclist’s Spirituality – Spiritual lessons learned from riding a bike.

 

 

 

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DM 9-30

September 30, 2025 – Welcoming the Lord

Listen to the audio version

Memorial of Saint Jerome, Priest and Doctor of the Church

 

Luke 9:51-56

When the days for Jesus to be taken up were fulfilled, he resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem, and he sent messengers ahead of him. On the way they entered a Samaritan village to prepare for his reception there, but they would not welcome him because the destination of his journey was Jerusalem. When the disciples James and John saw this they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call down fire from Heaven to consume them?” Jesus turned and rebuked them, and they journeyed to another village.

Opening Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me be ever aware that my life is a journey, with you by my side. Help me to welcome those who may visit me, with the same reverence and love that I should extend to you. By your mercy, I will one day be welcomed to my eternal home with you. Amen.

Encountering Christ: 

  1. We Have Received a Message: Like the Samaritans, we too have been told by the prophets, the evangelists, the Apostles, and the Church, that Jesus is coming. By the grace of our Baptism, he resides in our hearts. What do we do to honor that presence? What do we do to dishonor it? Notice the reason the Gospel provides for the Samaritan’s rejection of Jesus: because his destination was Jerusalem, which would become the scene of his Passion and death. Is that why we sometimes shrink from welcoming Jesus—because we would then have to follow him to the cross?

     

  2. We Always Have a Choice: Every day, every moment, we have an opportunity to welcome the Lord into our life with love and devotion, or to turn away from him and fall into sin. The moment-by-moment decisions we make will lead us one day to eternal rest in Heaven or the horrors of Hell. Prayer and the frequent reception of the sacraments can help us both to grow in the love we need to worship the Lord daily, and help us to resist temptation and turn from sin. By the choices we make, let us show our gratitude and love for our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus.

     

  3. Justice Is in the Lord’s Hands: He rebuked his disciples when they asked to set the unwelcoming town ablaze. He was showing us that the shortcomings of others need not concern us. Jesus will exact the perfect recompense in his own time. When we are not welcomed by someone because we are Christians, we pray for them, pray for the ability to forgive them from our heart, and move on… “journey to another village.”

Conversing with Christ: Jesus, help me to be aware that you are with me in the present moment. Help me to forgive those who hurt me, and to leave everything else in your almighty, just, and merciful hands.

Resolution: Lord, today by your grace I will focus on being your messenger, whether or not the receivers are open to the message.

For Further Reflection: “The most powerful weapon to conquer the devil is humility. For, as he does not know at all how to employ it, neither does he know how to defend himself from it” (St. Vincent DePaul).

Dorothy Warner is a Washington, D.C., area writer, who also works in technology and has a family. When not gardening, volunteering, or baking artisanal breads, she enjoys spending time with her husband, grown children, and a large collection of family pets.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!