February 21, 2025

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Do I Need to Reveal Past Sexual Sins to a Fiancé?”

Q: Currently I don’t have a boyfriend or fiancé, but I once dated a Muslim and had sex with him quite a few times. I went to confession and regretted doing that thing before marriage. So, I stopped it and broke up with him. But I’m worried about my future. What if my partner wants to have a grand and pure wedding — how can I tell him that I’m not a virgin? Is it OK if I won’t tell him? Will it be OK to have a grand, white wedding since I already confessed? – T.K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good that you went to confession and quit that relationship.

Technically, you don’t have to tell all your past sins to a future husband.

But many people feel the need to let a future spouse know about their past sexual relations, in part because they don’t want to present a false image.

Deep down they want to know that they are accepted for who they are, warts and all. They don’t want to be haunted by that fear, “What if he (or she) ever finds out?”

Sure, past sexual sins can negatively impact a marriage. They can leave psychological wounds and bad memories.

But you don’t have to be defined by your past sins. Our Lord has forgiven you. His mercy should bring you great peace.

You can feel confidence in that mercy – and so not be afraid to share your story with a future husband.

Your confession and the ending of that past relationship indicates that you want God in your life. That indicates your good will, a trait that noble men would find appealing.

Remember, too, that virginity is one thing. Chastity is another. It is an ongoing practice that can help you and a spouse become saints.

A short video with Jason Everts might be worth a look, as well as this Reddit post.

As for a white wedding: You don’t have to signal your past sins to the world.

In any case, maintain a strong prayer life and sacramental life. And cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She will help you to live a life pleasing to her Son.

 

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February 21, 2025 – Choosing Christ

Listen to the audio version

 

Friday of the Sixth Week in Ordinary Time

 

 

Mark 8:34 – 9:1

Jesus summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the Gospel will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? What could one give in exchange for his life? Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this faithless and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.” He also said to them, “Amen, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see that the Kingdom of God has come in power.”

Opening Prayer: Lord, thank you for the grace that moved me to desire this time with you and then helped me follow through and actually pause from doing all the things that keep me busy. What is more important than being with you and letting you speak to me? Nothing. That sounds so basic, but in the demands of daily life, it is so easy to forget. Lord, I pray for an increase in my faith, hope, and love so that I prioritize you and your will above all else.

Encountering Christ:

  1. The Crowd: Throughout the Gospels, Jesus taught the crowds in parables. When the disciples asked him why he did so, he answered, “Because knowledge of the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven has been granted to you, but to them it has not been granted” (Mt 13:10-11). Here, Jesus takes a different approach; he summoned the crowd and spoke bluntly to them and to the disciples: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” We can imagine his eyes meeting the eyes of each person in the crowd as he both invited them to follow him and described what it required. Today, Jesus invites each of us to consciously decide to follow him (“Whoever wishes to follow me…”), knowing that it entails the cross and self-denial. However, it is a bit like giving Jesus a blank check; he doesn’t give a list of the ways one must deny himself nor does he specify what the cross means. God works in each person’s life personally. Our self-denials, our crosses, are specific to our lives and we carry them as we learn to see God’s presence in the reality of our lives and hear his voice.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
  2. Ashamed: We can be assured that each one of us is called to holiness (CCC 2013), and holiness necessarily involves self-denial and the cross (CCC 2015). Holiness means conforming ourselves to Christ himself: “Christ’s disciples are to conform themselves to him until he is formed in them” (CCC 561). When we live as a cultural or “cafeteria” Catholic, we prioritize our ideas, our priorities, and our values above what Christ asks of us. We cling to what we think will give us happiness, fulfillment, and success. We may fail to share the Christian view of situations or social problems out of concern for others’ opinions. We participate in social activities incongruent with the God-given dignity of the human person because we want to be liked and included. We disregard the Church’s teachings as impractical or unrealistic in today’s world and keep our faith hidden from those who might question us about it. In short, we are ashamed of Jesus and his words. When we truly follow Christ, our lives are as lamps, lit and set on a lampstand, giving light to the world around us (cf. Lk 8:16). The source of the light is Christ himself. May we echo St. Paul when he says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel. It is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes…” (Rom 1:16).                                                                                                                                                                                                     
  3. The Kingdom: If we think of the Kingdom solely as something that comes at the end of time, we may wonder about the last sentence in today’s Gospel reading. Yet the Kingdom is present today. Jesus used the parable of the mustard seed to describe the Kingdom: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that a person took and sowed in a field. It is the smallest of all the seeds, yet when full-grown it is the largest of plants. It becomes a large bush, and the ‘birds of the sky come and dwell in its branches’” (Mt 13:31-32). In fact, the Catechism tells us, “‘The kingdom of Christ is already present in the mystery,’ ‘on earth, the seed and the beginning of the kingdom’” (CCC 669, quoting Lumen Gentium, 3 and 5). It is our responsibility, through the working of the Holy Spirit, to make the Kingdom visible by our words and actions, not just in our personal lives, but in our interaction with society. When we choose to follow Christ, we are choosing to build the Kingdom: “The initiative of lay Christians is necessary especially when the matter involves discovering or inventing the means for permeating social, political, and economic realities with the demands of Christian doctrine and life” (CCC 899).

Conversing with Christ: Lord, forgive me for all the times I have set your teaching aside in my own life, for all the times I have spoken negatively about it to others, and for all the times I have refused to deny myself and pick up my cross. Forgive me for seeking a comfortable living out of the faith with which I was entrusted in my baptism rather than an authentic faith rooted in a growing love for you. Forgive me from failing to let my life shine as a light in the darkness of today’s world. Jesus, I ask that you fill me with your love and draw me to yourself so that I will grow in desire to build your Kingdom.

Resolution: Lord, today by your grace I will share a favorite Scripture verse with a friend or acquaintance.

Janet McLaughlin and her husband, Chris, live on a mountain in rural northeastern Oregon. She puts her Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies to work as she shares the beauty and importance of the lay vocation in her writing, speaking, and teaching on spiritual topics.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!