Q: Currently I don’t have a boyfriend or fiancé, but I once dated a Muslim and had sex with him quite a few times. I went to confession and regretted doing that thing before marriage. So, I stopped it and broke up with him. But I’m worried about my future. What if my partner wants to have a grand and pure wedding — how can I tell him that I’m not a virgin? Is it OK if I won’t tell him? Will it be OK to have a grand, white wedding since I already confessed? – T.K.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It is good that you went to confession and quit that relationship.
Technically, you don’t have to tell all your past sins to a future husband.
But many people feel the need to let a future spouse know about their past sexual relations, in part because they don’t want to present a false image.
Deep down they want to know that they are accepted for who they are, warts and all. They don’t want to be haunted by that fear, “What if he (or she) ever finds out?”
Sure, past sexual sins can negatively impact a marriage. They can leave psychological wounds and bad memories.
But you don’t have to be defined by your past sins. Our Lord has forgiven you. His mercy should bring you great peace.
You can feel confidence in that mercy – and so not be afraid to share your story with a future husband.
Your confession and the ending of that past relationship indicates that you want God in your life. That indicates your good will, a trait that noble men would find appealing.
Remember, too, that virginity is one thing. Chastity is another. It is an ongoing practice that can help you and a spouse become saints.
A short video with Jason Everts might be worth a look, as well as this Reddit post.
As for a white wedding: You don’t have to signal your past sins to the world.
In any case, maintain a strong prayer life and sacramental life. And cultivate a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She will help you to live a life pleasing to her Son.
