August 23, 2024

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Would It Be OK to Choose Marriage Over Priesthood?”

Q: A while back I went to a Church retreat and learned about vocations and how we should pray to discern our vocation. I prayed about discerning my vocation and had a dream one night where I was told God wanted me to be a priest. For a while I tried to forget about it. I have always wanted to have a wife and family and do not wish to be a priest. However, I don’t want to be doomed to hell because I have chosen to follow the path of marriage. This has been on my mind a lot, and I become overwhelmed by the question of whether I can instead choose the path of marriage over priesthood. I would appreciate it if you could help me understand what is OK. Thank you. – J.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Whatever God’s perfect plan might be for your life, he wants you to respond out of love, not out of fear.

Now, the fact that you are asking about the priesthood is significant. This isn’t to say that you definitely have a vocation; this takes time to discern, in tandem with the Church.

A few observations are worth mentioning.

First, if you feel drawn toward marriage and having a family, that shows you are normal. That’s good. Normality is one the first qualities a man needs to be a priest.

Second, if God calls someone to the priesthood, he will give the grace it takes to answer the call and live the life.

If you think that the priesthood is beyond you, you’re right. It’s beyond all of us. What sustains priests is the grace of God.

The same goes for marriage. A happy marriage doesn’t depend all on you. You would need God’s grace for this way of life, too.

My short advice is to be open to whatever God might be asking of you. The best way to see what God wants is to test your call. This means taking steps forward.

You might try talking with your pastor or confessor or a vocation director.

If you do indeed have a vocation, things will start to look different over time. If you don’t have a vocation, that will become apparent eventually.

In any case, a vocation is an invitation, not a demand. The path that God wants for all of us will be the easiest path to holiness because his tailor-made grace will sustain us.

But again, try to see all this in terms of love, not fear.

For now, you might want to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. A helpful book might be To Save a Thousand Souls, by Brett Brannen.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Uncle Eddy

St Philip Benizi

Dear Nicki,

I think you have set yourself a false dilemma.  Just because you think you may have a vocation to the consecrated life doesn’t mean you should lay off your intellectual formation.  As long as you are discerning your vocation ACTIVELY (not just sitting around thinking about it and getting all kinds of worthless advice from your friends while you drink cappuccino at the Coffee House into the wee hours of the morning), you still ought to fulfill the duties of your state in life, which is the first field of God’s will for you.  Then, when the time comes to step into a postulency or candidacy program, you will know that you have faithfully fulfilled all that he was wanting you to achieve before your taking on the adventure of consecration. Today’s saint is a good example of this.

Philip was a noble Florentine by birth, at a time (the thirteenth century) when Florence was one of the wealthiest and most influential centers of Europe (or at least when it was well along the way to its future greatness).  He was a naturally brilliant fellow (something he shares with you) and by the time he was 19 he had already won doctorate degrees in medicine and philosophy in two of Europe’s oldest and greatest universities: Padua and Paris.  He took up the practice of medicine, but after a little while he was privileged with a vision of the Blessed Virgin Mary, after which he decided to follow God’s call and join the Servite Order, a religious order dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary and founded only a few years prior.  At first he tried to cover up his great learning and live as a simple Servite brother. But his spiritual director talked sense to him, and convinced him to put all the talents and education that Providence had awarded him at the service of the order’s mission. He was subsequently ordained a priest and given, successively, the tasks of novice instructor, friary prior, and, eventually, General Superior of the order.  

In addition to codifying the Servite rule, defending it from dissolution in the wake of the Council of Lyons, co-founding the Third Order, collaborating with various future saints, acting as a peacemaker between popes and emperors (for this he was once heckled and then physically attacked during a sermon – he turned the other cheek and his example of humility converted the onlooker Peregrine Laziosi, another future Servite saint) and Guelphs and Ghibellines, and strewing miracles wherever he preached (once he met a leper along the road; when he gave the leper his cloak, the man was immediately healed of his leprosy), he (and this is perhaps the biggest miracle of all) kept his deep humility intact.  So much so, in fact, that when it was rumored that the Conclave was considering him as a possible next pope, he withdrew into hiding in a mountain cave until someone else had been chosen.

I think you get my point, don’t you?  Wherever God is calling you, he will want you to make the best use of the talents he has given you (that’s why he gave them to you), so you need to keep cultivating them responsibly, even while you search actively and conscientiously for the path he would have you follow.

Your loving uncle, Eddy

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!