Q: My girlfriend of six months is in OCIA and God willing is going to be baptized next Easter. But she disagrees with Church teaching in a major way and has told me that she doesn’t plan to budge on it. She told me that she understands that homosexual behavior is a sin, but that she still supports the civil legality of “gay marriage” and would attend such “weddings.” I don’t know what to do. If she truly does not change her mind about this, should we break up? What should I do? — Josh
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
Faith is a journey, and your girlfriend is on her own path right now.
That she is in the OCIA and aiming to join the Church is a good sign. She is, however, a work in progress (like the rest of us).
It’s not surprising that she isn’t totally embracing every aspect of the faith, at least not yet.
She probably needs more formation and encouragement in understanding why the Church teaches what it does.
Since she recognizes that homosexual behavior is sinful, you might gently point out to her that attendance at a same-sex “wedding” could amount to public support for sinful behavior, not to mention scandal to others.
That said, you want to keep a question in the back of your mind: Could you see this woman as the mother of your children? Could you trust her to raise your children in the faith?
Coming back to the first point: Your friend is on a journey. With God’s grace she will enter more deeply into the Catholic faith and embrace all its teachings.
For now, you want to look for signs of progress in her.
If she stays fixed on her support for gay “marriage,” consider how would that impact your kids. Would she want to take the little ones with her to such a “wedding”?
Would she invite same-sex couples to the family dinner table?
There are lots of factors at play, of course, so you have to be prudent and read the signs.
In the meantime, you might want to intensify your prayers for your girlfriend. And keep an open dialogue with her.
You might also invite her to read Homosexuality and the Catholic Church: Clear Answers to Difficult Questions.
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
