Q: My wife and I just had a child, and the pregnancy was very hard on her. She had gestational diabetes and high blood pressure and had no energy. We do have our marriage convalidated and are getting our daughter baptized. I was wondering what my standing would be with the Church if I were to get a vasectomy and if it is forgivable with confession if it affects my standing. We are still pro-life and open to fostering or adoption if that is what God is calling us to. But with the complications my wife had with her previous pregnancy, we are worried another one could have worse complications. I appreciate any insight I can get. — K.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s health problems.
Our Lord has allowed a cross in your lives right.
The cross can be an instrument for growth in holiness if carried well. And God always gives us the grace to carry the cross he allows in our life.
As to your question: You cannot undergo a vasectomy. That would be both a contraceptive act and an act of self-mutilation — both objectively grave sins. And they are not pro-life acts.
You mentioned having had your marriage convalidated and now have a daughter who will be baptized. Those are great graces of God.
You don’t want to repay God for his generosity by offending him with a vasectomy. And you certainly don’t want to offend him gravely by thinking you could just confess it afterward. That, frankly, would be an insult to Our Lord.
This is the moment you need to have faith and to rely on the grace of the sacrament of marriage to sustain you.
If you and your wife need to practice NFP, try to embrace that with a spirit of faith. This gives you the chance to show love to each other in non-physical ways.
You might want to encourage your wife to get a second opinion about her health with a NaProTechnology-trained doctor.
And you want to pass on the faith to your children? You will help to do that by being faithful to what God asks of you, especially regarding marriage. See if your parish or diocese has a marriage-support ministry that could help you.
This is a moment to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. Find a solid, regular confessor to guide you (and don’t let anyone tell you that a vasectomy is OK).
I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.
