Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: If the Music at Communion Isn’t Right, May I Go to Another Parish?”

Q: At my parish we have a professional music director/organist. At Communion time as a rule he chooses songs that are not Eucharistic or pertaining to the Sacrifice. Today they sang “Softly and Tenderly Jesus Is Calling” at Communion. While it is a very beautiful hymn which I love, it does not pertain directly to the body and blood of Christ and what we are doing at this time. A blind person would have never known it was Communion at a Catholic Church. I’ve spoken with my pastor about this, and he forwarded my e-mail to the music director, who wanted a meeting, which turned out to be of no avail. So now I’m wondering should I change parishes and find a more appropriate music program. To me it’s a matter of reverence to the awesome Sacrifice of Jesus for us sinners. Thanks for reading this. -M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Liturgical music is a topic that has fueled more than a few debates in parishes. The fact that your pastor forwarded your e-mail but did not step in definitively to overrule the liturgist indicates that he didn’t want to press the issue too much.

That is understandable. With all the challenges of parish life today, pastors are prudent about the battles they pick. There is a lot of wisdom in that approach.

So what does that mean in your case? Perhaps there are a few questions you might want to consider.

First, is the choice of Communion hymns a serious enough reason to change parishes? A Catholic with a healthy parish life has probably forged friendships, sunk roots in the community, and participated in various volunteer projects. Does is seem like a good idea to walk away from all that because of someone’s choice of liturgical music?

Second, what impact would a switch in parishes have on those around you? Would you leave a gap in the parish? Would people understand or appreciate your reason for changing parishes? Would they feel let down?

Third, what would you do if you went to a new parish and eventually found something there to your disliking? Parish-hopping isn’t conducive for fostering a sense of stability. Besides, the most important part of the Mass is the Eucharist, not the music.

Fourth, what might it mean that liturgical music can be so distracting at the time of Communion? One can only imagine how many Catholics who don’t even have regular access to the Eucharist for lack of priests would love to have Mass with any kind of music.

Please don’t take these as loaded questions. Ultimately you need to decide what will be the best for your spiritual life.

Externals can help us live the Mass well, no doubt. But our union with Christ depends more on the interior dispositions of our heart. I hope this helps put things in perspective.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Did Christianity Simply Borrow From Pagan Cults?”

Q: I have quite the theological question for you. In modern Christian dogma, a lot has been taken from older religions (Greek paganism mainly) and modified to fit into Christianity. Examples of this could be found in that Jehovah and Zeus look almost identical when depicted in Renaissance art. Angels and devils, when spoke of in the Bible (specifically in Revelation), are depicted as looking very similar to Greek monsters (griffins and the Hydra and stuff like that), and Catholic patron saints seem no different to me than lesser gods in pagan religions. I guess my point is, if I am to have no other gods, why does Christianity historically take from other religions? Am I viewing this from an incorrect perspective? Did the Greeks “almost” have it right because they knew more than we think, or is all of this stuff metaphors and not to be taken literally in the first place? Then on a related note, as Christianity spread and ultimately flourished in North Europe, why didn’t we historically see the faith taking from the old gods in that area? It seems odd to me to be taking from the Greeks and Romans, but not having any relations between the faiths of the Saxons, Vikings, Normans and other barbarians. -R.T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your theological question. Fittingly it deserves a theological answer — one much more complete than is possible in this short attempt. Nevertheless, the following might help.

Part of the key to your question is the word “taken.” In one sense Christianity didn’t take anything from anyone. Christianity, specifically the person of Jesus Christ, is the fullness of what God wanted to reveal to the world. And God didn’t need to “take” anything from the pagan cults. Christianity did, however, build on Judaism, but that is a different sort of dynamic.

So why some of the seeming similarities between Christianity and, say, the pagan cults of the Near East? A short answer could be this: There is something embedded in the human spirit that yearns for the transcendent, something that seeks to understand why the world is the way it is. Since we are all humans, it isn’t surprising that there are common elements in every expression of religion. Among these elements are the notions of sacred time, sacred space, etc. Christianity gave genuine expression to these elements.

Christianity is radically different from these pagan faiths, however. Monotheism itself differs radically from polytheism. In the latter, for instance, the gods seem to be just as bad as humans at times. The gods sometimes seem to come from somewhere else (a metadivine realm, in the phrase of some scholars). In Judeo-Christianity, by contrast, there is one God, and he simply is — he doesn’t come from anywhere.

In pagan cults the gods are often squabbling among themselves, and sometimes using or abusing humans at their whim. In Christianity, by contrast, we believe in an utterly transcendent God who marvelously cares for us and for our salvation, so much so that he sends his Son to suffer and die for us. This is worlds apart from the pagan cults of old.

That said, the Church in fact tries to tap into the best of what every culture and people has to offer. Thus the Church used Greek philosophy to help better understand and articulate the things revealed in Scripture and Tradition. One example could be in use of the notions of substance and accidents to help us understand and explain the Eucharist.

On the other hand, Christianity didn’t adopt the Greek practice of priestesses; that didn’t fit with Christ’s plan for the priesthood. So the ancient Greeks had some things of value (their pursuit of wisdom), but in other areas they were understandably groping in the dark.

Similarly the early Church adapted certain aspects of the Roman Empire’s administrative skills to help organize the work of evangelization, etc., but it didn’t adopt the pantheon of Roman gods.

As for the saints, they certainly were not and are not held up as gods. They are human beings who, with the grace of God, are recognized as having reached laudable levels of sanctity. They would be the first to attribute their gifts to the one, real God.

(For related reading on the roots of Christianity, see Mark Shea’s article.) I hope some of this helps.

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All Things Proceed: A Regnum Christi Essay on Recognition and Communion

The term communion has considerable currency both in the Church and in Regnum Christi’s renewal. We have a shared sense that God wants us to experience the gift of communion. But the term has a meaning far deeper than simply all getting along or treating each other in a civil fashion to get things done. The new movements in the Church help give flesh and blood to the Universal Call to Holiness. And holiness, union with God, is only in communion. Living and evangelizing in true communion—as lay people, consecrated men and women, and priests—we show that, with God, this is possible. And since what we pray and think about shapes our actions, further reflection on communion is both relevant and enriching. The experience of true communion is that glimpse of heaven that we can offer to an achingly anonymous world, and it’s what we’ll explore in the following essay. 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Too Attached to Nice Clothes and Cars?”

Q: I am a practicing Catholic and I have recently began to feel like I place too much emphasis on nice brands. I have always really liked nice clothes, and have normally held the practice of buying specific brands such as Polo, North Face, Columbia, etc. (when they go on sale) over St. John’s Bay, etc. I have to admit that not only do I prefer the designs of these brands over lesser esteemed brands, I also like the real or imagined opinion of others as to the overall quality of my dress. The same is true for cars. I recently bought a used Infiniti over more basic companies because I like the design quality better and the opinion that I have “good” taste in cars (though used). I’m not sure I know how to overcome this, as my preferences are deeply engrained. Is it a mortal sin to think this way? Thank you for your help and all you do! -D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: If you are aware of the extent of vanity in your life, that is a grace in itself. At least you know the foe you need to face. The Holy Spirit is already working in your heart.

Vanity is one of the three root sins, along with pride and sensuality.

Vanity reflects insecurity. We desperately want the esteem of others, so we end up doing all kinds of things to keep up appearances. Living on the surface, we glide through life hoping that no one notices how frail we are underneath.

Vanity arises when we put the opinion of others ahead of the judgment of God. Instead of worrying how we stand in the eyes of God, we worry what everyone else thinks of us.

Left unchecked, vanity can sap our energies and divert our attention from the really important things of life. Moreover, vanity can leave us feeling even more insecure, because in effect we put our happiness in the hands of others. We leave ourselves vulnerable.

So what is the remedy for vanity?

One part of the solution is to live with purity of intention. That is, do things solely for love of God and for love of neighbor. Treat everyone as you would (presumably) treat Christ himself.

In practice that means being kind to everyone, treating everyone with respect. As you do this, other things begin to click into place. You might become more aware of the poor around you, and look for ways to live more humbly and to share your resources with the less fortunate. And try to forget yourself.

You also might become less impressed with the external appearance or position of other people. This isn’t to say we don’t respect people in authority, etc. Rather, we don’t consciously try to win the approval of others at every moment. All this weans us off the praise of the world and helps us focus more on Our Lord who alone is our judge.

None of this is easy, however, and it won’t come quickly. So be realistic. You won’t change overnight. Still, there are steps you might consider taking immediately, to move in the right direction.

First, look for ways to avoid standing out. The next time you buy clothes, look for no-name brands — and even think about donating the difference to a good cause. When you make bigger purchases, go to prayer first and see where the Holy Spirit is leading you.

Second, meditate on the humility of Christ. He chose to be born poor, to live poor, and to die with nothing left to give away but his heartbroken Mother at the foot of the cross. Try to see the lesson he is giving the rest of us.

Third, think about getting involved in volunteer work. Being around people who suffer from terminal illnesses is a great way to put things in perspective; they won’t be impressed with your Polo shirts — and you need to experience that kind of indifference. Spend some time around people who are really suffering, and you start to see the relative value of material possessions.

Although it takes a while to tame vanity, the task is possible with the grace of God. (For more reading see this post.) I hope some of this helps.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If My Parents and I Argue Over Politics?”

Q: I am very distressed about my relationship with my parents. I love them, but I have trouble respecting them. This is obvious when we argue about politics. We agree on most things, being conservative in nature, but I match my conservative ideas to those of the Church and they attach theirs to politics. This leads them to say horrible things about migrants or other “races” and their role in our elections. I always try to get them to understand the humanitarian side of issues such as immigration and the refugee crisis, but we always end up in a heated argument. My dad in particular says some of the most awful things about other human beings, but I know that by reacting angrily I’m just making him more and more stubbornly entrenched. If I can’t try to reason him out of his anger, what am I to do? I don’t want to damage my relationship with my dad anymore. But I want to be a proponent for the Church’s ideas of acceptance and helping our fellow man. Please help guide me through this. -J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is admirable that you want to defend and extol the Church’s stance on various issues, such as immigration. The trick, though, is to do it prudently and charitably.

Sorry to say, but we almost never convince someone of our point of view if we get in an argument with them. People tend to dig in their heels; moreover, the relationship itself suffers, and people end up alienated from one another.

It might be better to leave aside certain issues for the sake of domestic peace. This isn’t to say you drop the issues altogether. Rather, the better alternative might be to look for positive ways to live what you believe.

If you really care about immigrants, etc., then look for ways to donate your time and/or money to helping those folks. Use your energy in that way, and you will probably make more of an impact on your dad. He will see your dedication and concern for immigrants, and that might prompt him to rethink his own ideas. (For related reading, see the U.S. bishops’ conference statements on immigration.)

All this would take time, and there is no guarantee he will change his opinion. But you aren’t called to change his opinion. You are called to show him love and respect, and then to help others in the world as best you can.

Perhaps you should contact your parish to see what can be done. Perhaps there are immigrant families in your own neighborhood who need help. So look to help them, and keep praying for your dad. That way, you use your energy wisely.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Why Is Hand-holding at the Our Father Discouraged?”

Q: We have a new pastor a new (very young) priest at our parish. They have told us that it is not proper to hold hands during the Our Father. They highly discourage us doing so even with our families. Our former priests approached this differently, saying that it would not be proper for the celebrant to direct the congregation to hold hands, but if we did so in prayer it was not wrong. Is it OK to hold hands during other prayers? Can you help me with an answer to share with my family and the Catholic groups I pray with? Thank you so much! -S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your priests are just trying to follow the rubrics of the missal. The holding of hands is not called for at that moment. In that sense you are lucky to have priests who want to celebrate Mass as the Church intends.

More often, the opposite happens: People feel pressured to hold hands because “everyone else is doing it.” That isn’t good, either. The sign of peace is a particular moment in the Mass when physical contact (such as handshakes) is appropriate.

Another issue is how far priests should go to squelch the practice of people holding hands at the Our Father. This is a matter of pastoral prudence, and normally I won’t try to double-guess someone who is on the ground and knows the situation better than yours truly. My own preference would be to go along with the former priests who didn’t force the practice on the congregation but who didn’t say that such contact (especially among family members) is wrong.

Here you could ask yourself what would best build unity within the parish right now. Perhaps you could ask your priests about the issue. That you have two priests is a blessing in itself; lots of parishes no longer have a resident priest.

(For more reading on the subject, see my colleague Father Edward McNamara’s Q&A.) I hope this helps.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Would It Be OK If I Didn’t Marry in the Church?”

Q: I’m a Catholic who will be marrying a non-Catholic early next year. I still attend Mass, my mom is a devout Catholic, but my dad has fallen away from the Church. On my fiancée’s side, only an aunt and uncle go to Mass regularly, and the rest practice various forms of Christianity. That being said, we decided it was best for both families if we didn’t get married in a Catholic church. We’d still like to attend pre-Cana instruction, but I’m wondering if this will be allowed? I’d like to have the marriage blessed/convalidated, and have spoken at length with my fiancée about it and know that pre-Cana is a requirement. But I’ve read that some more traditional-minded priests don’t like to do this, so I’m a little concerned. -P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: As a baptized Catholic your marriage would only be valid if approved by the Church. In theory it is possible to get a bishop’s approval to marry in another location (outside of a church building), but such permission is not automatic and is usually given for a serious reason.

You seem to be asking, though, about getting married without Church approval. That is a different matter altogether.

Besides the simple fact that marriage is something sacred, something linked both to creation and to redemption, it is also a public act. When the couple get married, it is not just a private contract, but an entering into a relationship that in its nature has social repercussions. It is for this reason that the Church has established clear requirements for its celebration. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us, “Since marriage establishes the couple in a public state of life in the Church, it is fitting that its celebration be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest (or a witness authorized by the Church), the witnesses, and the assembly of the faithful” (No. 1663).

It is good to remember, too, that a marriage blessed by the Church and God brings with it a special grace. Such a grace helps the spouses overcome difficulties and grow in holiness. To marry without Church approval would deprive you of grace and make your living together objectively sinful.

You don’t want to base your decision on a Church-approved marriage based on the beliefs of family members (yours or hers). That is the wrong kind of criterion. You want to focus on what is going to help you and your bride to be. This is where you want to show spiritual leadership and not worry about the sensibilities of your relatives or her relatives. After all, it was God who established marriage and the rules for marriage — your relatives and your fiancée’s relatives didn’t do that.

In short, you want to have your priorities correct. God comes first. In fact, the best thing you can do for your loved ones is to stay close to Jesus and to what he asks of you through his Church. It sounds as if some of the relatives could benefit from the example of someone who tries to live the faith integrally. (Perhaps the online retreat “Three Hearts” would help you.

It might be good to speak with your parish priest about all this. I hope you make the right decision.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!