Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Can I Use Musical Talent for God’s Glory … and Not Mine?”

Q: I’m a composer of music in various genres (classical, contemporary, popular, etc.), and commercially I have been fairly successful, but not quite enough to make a living out of it. Therefore, I must now get some other job and keep writing music only in my spare time. I’m fine with that, but I struggle with a dilemma: Should I share (not sell) my future works with other people, or simply compose for the glory of God, without even presenting it to anyone? “Sharing is caring,” they say, but sharing is more often a way to glorify yourself, to get “likes” and boost your ego. I am deeply grateful for this gift of being able to write music, but I cannot find the proper balance between trying to impress people, or simply rejoicing in the beauty of the melodies and harmonies that come out, as a matter strictly between myself and God. How will I know my motives? Is sharing your own works really caring, or is it mere pride? Or would hiding my talent be a sin even worse? – N.E.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: If you have a gift for music, it is meant to be used for the benefit of other people. Talents are not meant to be buried. Jesus had stern words for those who fail to use their talents (see Matthew 25:24-30).

The key thing, though, is to share the fruits of your work for the right reason: the glory of God.

Now, many of us do things with less than perfect motives. Sometimes we subtly seek our own glory, as you mention. (In this regard, you may find C.S. Lewis’ spiritual classic, The Screwtape Letters, a fruitful read as you seek to grow in humility — especially Chapter 14.)

The solution here is to purify your motives as best you can. How can you do that? A few suggestions might help.

First, whenever someone compliments you, refer the compliment to Our Lord. Say something like “The Holy Spirit helped me” or “Let’s pray that the music brings people closer to Jesus.” And, of course, mean it.

Second, write music anonymously if you can. No one but God needs to know where the music came from. There might be lots of ways to share your music. You might even offer to write music for special events, such as Church gatherings, or even for websites that promote evangelization.

One more hint: Include a prayer of gratitude to God each day in your schedule, and the Holy Spirit for the grace to do everything for the glory of the Almighty. That would be music to Our Lord’s ears.

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Canyon Heights Choir Sings at Stanford

On November 2, the choir of Canyon Heights Academy (Campbell, CA) sang the national anthem before a Stanford volleyball game. This was part of a long and fruitful relationship between the school and university. 

Canyon Heights sixth-grader Maddie was one of the 25 students who participated. “I enjoy performances – acting and singing,” Maddie said, “so whenever I get to go out and perform on stage it feels really good and I enjoy it very much.” Many people might feel intimidated singing before such a large crowd, but not Maddie. “I always get a little nervous before,” she admitted, “but once you’re on the stage and singing with friends, it doesn’t feel as scary and it feels like you’re in the normal room we practice in each day.” 

The choir performed before a Stanford Women’s volleyball game vs. Colorado on November 2, 2018. Their women’s volleyball team had won the national championship in 2017 and, with a 32-1 record at the end of the regular season, were hoping for a repeat. They won 3-2 

Kathryn Sager, the Canyon Heights director of marketing and development, noted that earlier in the fall the Women’s Volleyball team came to Canyon Heights for a pep rally. 

Choir director Judaline Swinkels recalls that, when she first came to Canyon heights six years ago, there was no choir. A year later she started the choir, which has now branched into two choirs: the Cardinal Choir, which performed at the Stanford game, is open to all and usually has from 25 to 35 students, while a small elite ensemble group of 14 is audition-only. The regular choir is open to  second- through eighth-grade students, while the elite choir is for fourth grade and up.  

Asked about singing the Star-Spangled Banner, Maddie replied, “I’ve kind of gotten used to singing the national anthem, as I’ve sang it so many times.” Her friend Madeline, also in sixth grade, said, “There are parts that are tough but Mrs. Swinkels really helps clear those up and tells us how to do it.” 

Madeline, like Maddie, loves to sing. She said her favorite number in the choir’s repertoire is a medley of three water-themed Disney songs, “Just around the Riverbend,” “Under the Sea,” and “Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride.” The choir performs this with choreography, lights and sounds. 

Mrs. Swinkels noted that they learned the medley when they got a chance to perform at Disneyland last year. Along with Stanford and Disneyland, the choir has performed in Santa Clara and at numerous events in the San Jose area. 

“It’s important to me that they have a lot of opportunities to perform in a lot of different venues” she said, “and that we showcase the talent of these young students so they understand the purpose of their gift.” She explained that this is part of RC educational methodology. “They should share whatever gifts they have with other people. If they have this ability, they should grow it and share the message as well.”

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Why Does Jesus Evade Mary’s Question in the Temple?”

Q: When Jesus was 12 years old his parents were looking for him and after three days they found them in the temple. Why did he not make a direct, literal response to his mother about why he went missing? Instead of giving a proper explanation, he surprised her by asking her why she should have been worried in the first place. In fact, that should be like a mean thing a child says to his mother, especially after she has been frantically looking for him for three days. Over and above this he started speaking about his Father’s house, which seemed out of context. Second, why does it say that after this, he became obedient to them? Was he not before this as well? What does that mean? – P.M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your questions touch on one of the core mysteries of our faith: the Incarnation.

Jesus is both true God and true man. This means that as a 12-year-old his thinking was similar to that of a youth. Jesus shows a bit of naivete, if you will, in that he didn’t think to mention to Mary and Joseph beforehand that he intended to stay in Jerusalem.

Yet, as God the Son, he stayed behind in Jerusalem because he knew that his mission was to do God the Father’s will.

This is where Jesus shows his two natures. He displays awareness of his divine mission and yet shows youthful inexperience by not informing his parents. If these seem odd to be happening in the same Person at the same time, that is a reflection of the mystery of Christ himself.

If you don’t understand it totally, don’t worry. Mary didn’t understand it totally, either. That is why she “kept all these things in her heart.” She needed time to process what her Son said.

The Gospel passage simply says, “He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them” (Luke 2:51). It doesn’t say that he was disobedient to them beforehand. His staying behind in Jerusalem could be attributed to youthful innocence rather than to malice.

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Angel for a Day Builds Young Apostles

If you spend a little time in an art gallery looking at classic religious renditions of the apostles, you likely will have a particular impression.

The paintings by masters like Rubens and Rembrandt portray older men with long hair, scraggly beards, and wrinkled faces. They don’t look like them have spent much time at the grooming bar. Chances are they didn’t take a daily hot shower and use balsam-scented hair conditioner.

Frankly, they look a bit scruffy.

Of course, in reality, the apostles started their mission as young men, probably in their early 30s. Some had been fishermen, so they probably were strong and physically fit. They probably were a bit short on dental care and truly didn’t use balsam-scented hair conditioner.

But the mission of the apostle started at a relatively young age. And today, many apostles are young, fresh – and nicely groomed. They also come in both male and female versions and aren’t even a little bit scruffy.

It wasa small army of these young apostles who gathered December 8, 2018, at Nativity Catholic Church, Washington, DC, to repeat a successful event from a year ago: Angel for a Day.

“At the end of the day when I’m tried and my knees hurt, a child comes out screaming, ‘This is the best day ever!’ which makes it all worth it,” said Laura Juarez of the parish staff at the conclusion of the 2017 event.  “The effect of Angel for a Day is great because what we want is to attract more families, and to bring them, we need to begin with the kids. When the kids come, the families follow. The first time we had a youth day, families started to ask ‘When’s the next one? When will it be?’” She explained how this is important for that neighborhood, “The children don’t just come and play, but they’re also in a safe place and they are learning. We’ve found that the kids transmit this learning to their own parents.”

The volunteer corps for the day included 30 youth –most from the RegnumChristi ECYD Leadership Training Program (LTP) – and 10 adults. The event drew 100 children and a couple dozen parents and parish staff.

The LTP director for boys is Fr. Andrew Gronotte, LC; the director for the girls is Amelia Hoover, a consecrated woman of Regnum Christi.

On the surface, Angel for a Day looks pretty simple: a day of fun and games and gifts for kids who might not otherwise have such a joyful Christmas season. (The church is in a tough neighborhood.) But to the volunteers, parish, and beneficiaries it is much more.

Olivia Gutierrez is a 14-year-old freshman at Walt Whitman High School, Bethesda, MD. And she was among the young apostles at Angel for a Day.

“I always want to help others and spread the word of Jesus,” Olivia said. “I love teaching others, especially children, and building connections between people. 

“Jesus sent his 12 apostles to us to help us and to guide us.  There are so many examples in the bible where Jesus teaches through his parables or stops to help others by healing.  By helping and guiding others I am striving to follow Christ’s teaching.”

Olivia learned that often the role of an apostle is simple and not especially glamorous. During the event she ran the photo booth, where kids could have a picture taken with their friends – and take it home asa remembrance of the day. Part of her job included cutting out Santa hats, reindeer antlers, carrot noses, and other signs. 

“These children are full of love and kindness and I will do anything I can to help them continue their lives spreading love and happiness,” Olivia said. “I originally thought that I was doing this solely to bring the light of Jesus to others, but I learned that those children and the other volunteers, brought the light of Jesus to me as well.” 

Olivia saw that the example of giving to others wasn’t lost on the children receiving gifts. In fact, some of the very young participants looked to be getting the idea of being an apostle.

“While we were eating lunch I asked Victoria what her name was,” Olivia explained. “She didn’t say anything but she made hand motions and then reached for her prize bag.  She pointed in the bag and then to me.  She shared one of her prizes with me and she gave me a pencil to bring home.  I found it so sweet. 

“Another touching experience was when a young boy was sharing his candy with the volunteers.  Someone asked him what he was going to do with all of it and he said he was going to go around his neighborhood and share it with his neighbors.”

Olivia strongly encouraged other young people to get involved.  “You walk away knowing that you made a difference in someone’s life and there is no better feeling than that.”

Andre Haddad, a 15-year-old from Potomac, who attends St. John’sCollege High School in Washington, gave a similar recommendation.

Angel for a Day volunteers perform for the kids at Nativity Catholic Church.

 “I was involved in this because I wanted to help those who were not as fortunate as me,” Andre said. “Helping those people who are not as fortunate as us gets a step closer to heaven and we are evangelizing the word of God in a way.

“During the event I was one of the three kings. I would definitely encourage others to participate because it makes me feel so much better when I help the kids. It is really nice to see the kids smile when we are playing with them.”

Speaking for the parish after the 2018 event, Carmen Rosales (who supplied the photos for this article) thanked the volunteers and recognized that being an apostle means doing deeds both big and small.

“No task is too big or too small,” Carmen said. “Thank you for the set-up, clean-up, supervision, leg-work, patience, the willingness to shift-gears and most importantly, thank you for the many prayers and for presenting our needs and works to the Lord so He may sustain us!”

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: As a Man, Should I ‘Be in Love’ With Jesus?”

Q: I am working through some faith troubles and am a bit confused on a topic. Are we supposed to love Jesus or be in love with Jesus? I became a new man when I accepted Jesus into my soul, as he made me whole. But I am very confused about whether I can truly love him back for this, without truly being in love with Jesus. I know it sounds romantic, but I can’t help have this question. – T.A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I wouldn’t focus too much on the distinction here. As men we relate to Christ as men. Our sense of affinity with Our Lord might differ somewhat from how women love him. So it might not sound natural for us as men to “be in love” with Jesus.

Suffice it to say that love isn’t primarily an emotion. Love is an act of the will. To love Jesus means to make him the center of our life, to follow his commandments, to make him the model of all we do.

It isn’t a romantic kind of thing, as we generally understand the term. And yet, our love for Christ can and should be deeper than any romance.

By this I don’t mean to disparage marriage. As beautiful as marriage can be, it can bring only a relative and temporal happiness. It doesn’t last eternally. Recall Jesus’ word about the seven brothers and the lone wife. “At the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30).

Another way to think of the richness of manly love might be this.

Imagine a soldier in wartime who, without hesitation, jumps on a live grenade in order to save his buddies. Six months earlier, in civilian life, that same soldier might have refused to do little favors for his wife, such as taking out the garbage (out of laziness, let’s say).

At what moment does the soldier show the greater love? Surely at the moment when he lays down his life for his buddies. Would we say he loved his buddies? Probably. Would we say he was “in love” with his buddies? Maybe not.

My guess is that those grateful buddies wouldn’t worry the difference in wording. Instead, they would always remember a man who laid down his life for his friends: the ultimate show of love.

So again, real love deals with the will, not the emotions. That is the kind of love Christ wants from all of us. So don’t worry about “being in love” with Jesus. Just love him as best you can.

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“Ask a Priest: Could a Tomboy Have a Place in the Church?”

Q: I am a lifelong pagan, but I have felt drawn to Catholicism pretty heavily for the last few years. I respect the Church’s ability to elaborate on and logically explain its positions. The one place I am really getting stuck at present is the role of women and what constitutes the “feminine genius,” as John Paul II put it. I am not a very traditionally feminine woman. I’m married, but we do not have children and we are not likely to due to my husband’s infertility — and honestly I am immensely relieved. I have never really wanted to be a mother and I am not at all good with children. I don’t dislike them, I’m just terrible at child care. I’ve always been a tomboy. I box. I blacksmith. I’m an academic. On the whole, I have always felt that gender roles were fairly archaic ways of categorizing people, dating from the eras of human history where it was a necessary survival mechanism. I know that Church teaching is that women are called to be mothers, either physical or spiritual mothers, but is that all there is? Mary, whom I have a particular interest in, is often held up as the perfection of womanhood and she’s always spoken of as being perfectly demure and nurturing, sweet and loving and graceful. I have basically none of those qualities. I look at her and the other saintly women, and I can’t help think that I’m forever going to be a square peg miserably failing to pound myself into a round hole if I’m going to try to fit the popular Catholic version of femininity. The question here is: What about women like me? Where and how do we fit? – E.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you have felt drawn to the Catholic faith. It has a lot of depth, as you know. All the elements fit together, too, though this doesn’t take away all the mystery of Our Lord and his workings.

Perhaps the best answer to your answer starts with someone you mention in your e-mail: Mary. She is the human person we most venerate (Jesus is a divine Person).

What makes Mary so important for us, apart from her singular graces of the being preserved from original sin and being the Mother of Jesus, is that she did the will of God perfectly.

In other words, we don’t hold Mary up as a model so much because of her sweetness and gentleness — although these are certainly qualities of Our Lady — but rather because she was sinless and embraced God’s will perfectly, no matter how difficult it was. For her this meant going all the way to Calvary and having to watch her Son died on a cross. This was a woman of great faith and strength.

You mention that you are a tomboy, and that you box and engage in blacksmithing. I would venture to say that these are not the most important aspects of who you are.

First and foremost, you are a beloved daughter of God. You have the image of God in you. You were created out of love in his image. You have an intellect and a will with which you can learn about him and love him.

You are also unique, like the rest of us. You are one of a kind. For God reveals a little something of himself in you that he has never revealed in any other human, ever. That’s an amazing fact.

So what does all this mean in practice? It means that perhaps you shouldn’t focus so much on how you compare to other women. You are who you are. God loves you as you are. He might want you to be holier, but then he wants all of us to be holier.

As for the feminine genius so championed by John Paul II, the basic idea is that women in general have a gift for being sensitive to others, for bringing people together. Perhaps you can see those qualities in yourself, embracing as you do a wide range of interests, from blacksmithing to academia.

(In passing, I’d add that parenting in general is something of a skill that is learned by experience. Some folks are naturally more gifted in this area, but we can advance in one field or another with practice.)

So is there a place for you in the Church? Of course! Our Lord wants all of us unified. He wants us to take advantage of the sacraments and to learn about the riches of our faith with the help of the magisterium. The Church is here to help all of us.

For now you might want to continue to focus on the center of the Catholic faith: Jesus. He is the one who suffered and died on a cross for love of you, for your redemption. And he would do it again in a heartbeat if he had to.

This is the Man who loves you more than anyone. This is who the Church is about. You can find him in the Scriptures and in the Eucharist. Even though you couldn’t receive Communion yet, try visiting Jesus in the tabernacle of any Catholic church. He is there, sacramentally present in the Eucharist. Just being in his presence will help.

As for Mary: you seem to be a woman who puts an emphasis on strength. It might help for you to think of Our Lady as a woman of strength, too — strength enough to stand by the cross on Good Friday.

I hope some of this helps. And I wish you well on your spiritual journey.

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“Ask a Priest: Returning to Mass After Years … May I Receive Communion?”

Q: I will be attending Mass on Sunday for the first time in many years. Am I allowed to receive Communion? – L.D.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good that you will be attending Mass again. Our Lord will be happy to see you back. In the Mass he will be speaking to you through the readings and homily, and giving you help just by his Eucharistic presence.

If you haven’t been to Mass for many years, it sounds as though you would need to go to confession first before receiving Communion.

Another name for “confession” is the sacrament of reconciliation. The Church offers this sacrament, especially to those who have been away from Mass and the Lord for a long time, as a way to reconcile a person with God. The sacrament leads to the absolution of those sins that have damaged a person’s relationship with God, and it gives the penitent a chance to examine the factors that might have triggered or prolonged the separation.

Receiving Communion is a special way of signaling both our unity with the Church and its teachings, as well as our belief that we are in a state of grace — that is, we are free of mortal sin as best we can tell.

If you need help preparing for confession, you could find guides online, such as this one. If you are nervous about going to confession (which would be understandable), I can recommend our videos about the real meaning of that sacrament: “From Sorrow to Joy: A Retreat Guide on the Sacrament of Confession.”

If there are complex issues in your life – such as a marriage outside the Church, for instance — then there would need to do some preliminary steps first. You could speak with a priest about this.

Even if you aren’t ready for confession and Communion yet, you should feel free to attend Mass. The important thing is that you commit to drawing closer to Christ and following his ways.

In the meantime try to make time for prayer each day, and call on the help of the Blessed Virgin Mary to guide you. Count on my prayers.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If My 3 Grandkids Say They Don’t Believe in God?”

Q: My grandchildren ages 10, 11, and 16 claim not to believe in a God. One of them reports, “I don’t believe in God, I believe in science.” They do, however, like most kids, dream of presents for Christmas. They do not have parents who were ever married or have a home for them to live in. They and their mother live with us. The parents have a history of battering, fighting, and substance abuse. Having the “father wound” seems like a reasonable argument for an absence of faith. Their mother does not want us “pushing religion” on them. I am just wondering how to downplay the material aspect of Christmas. If you have any suggestions, I would appreciate it. – M.S. 

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It must be heartbreaking to see your grandchildren without the faith. It sounds as though they have been dealt a difficult hand. As you mention, their “father wound” might hinder them from having a healthy religious outlook.

First, it’s good to remember that helping your grandchildren learn about Jesus and his plan is the best thing you can do for them.

Since they are living in your house, you have every right to display as much of the religious side of Christmas as you want. In any case, most children can’t resist a Nativity scene. So that might be a good thing to set up in your home.

Let the kids see you praying. And let them see images of the Blessed Virgin and Jesus around the home. If your daughter objects to any of these displays of piety, you could gently remind her whose home she is living in.

It would be good to intensify your prayers for your daughter and the children. This is where your daughter still needs a mom. Cultivate your devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary through the rosary. Our Lady knows well the hearts of moms and grandmoms.

And day by day your example of love and Christian charity will have its impact. Perhaps it might take a while to see a change in the rest of the family. That’s OK — the Holy Spirit has his time and place for souls to come to conversion.

In the meantime, it might be helpful to leave good books around the house. Helpful might be the Ignatius Press series on saints written for young people.

You might want to look into the books of Fulton Sheen, Peter Kreeft, and Patrick Madrid and leave them around the house, too. The Spirit can inspire a healthy curiosity in young and not-so-young readers.

Keep up a spirit of hope, too. The effort you make can make a difference in the eternity of each of your loved ones.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I Feel I Deserve a Virgin Man?”

Q: I’m dating almost a year, both of us are Christians, but since my boyfriend has not always been one, his sexual behavior was never right. He is not virgin like me, and that makes me sad. It hurts me that I would not be the first woman he is intimate with if we get married. I just get jealous and feel hurt and get angry at him and blame him for his past life. I know that my behavior is not very Christian, but I feel like we’re not on the same level. He’s a good man and good Christian, though he still struggles with purity. Sometimes I think that I deserve a virgin man who really fights for purity. Let me know what you think about all of it, and thank you in advance. – K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you seem to have high standards for yourself in the area of purity. Chastity is a great preparation for marriage.

It is good to remember that Christian chastity, like faith, is a grace, a gift of God. Part of the preparation for that gift is the gift of baptism.

Now, your friend apparently didn’t have the grace of baptism when he was growing up. Perhaps he received it relatively recently. This might be one reason why he has had a tougher time living chastely. He might not even have been aware of the sinful nature of non-marital relations.

All this leads to some key points.

First, what is the Christian thing to do? Certainly we are called to be forgiving, just as Christ is forgiving with us. Presumably we should be even more forgiving to those who either don’t the grace of baptism or who haven’t had it as long as we have had it.

Second, the Gospel teaches us to be forgiving, but it doesn’t demand that we marry a particular person. So, strictly speaking, you are under no obligation to stay with this man. You would need to make a prudent decision as to whether his past and present problems with purity would make him unacceptable for marriage.

This leads to a third point. No one is perfect. Everyone has made mistakes of one kind or another. But people can change. And with the grace of God, people can change a lot. Here you might ask yourself whether your friend might be a potential saint (or at least a potentially fine husband).

You might see if there are signs of improvement in him, and whether he seems to have a genuine desire to change and grow in his faith. He is a work in progress, in other words. Perhaps you could help to further that progress. At the same time, you have to realistic. If some of his flaws are, in your mind and experience, intolerable in a future husband, you don’t want to presume that they will all go away with time.

So here the question is whether you could or should stay with him and try to help him along. This is part of the dynamics of a healthy marriage — you and your spouse will ideally be helping each other grow in holiness.

Keep in mind, too, that it might not be easy in today’s world to find someone who has kept his virginity intact or been untainted by nasty stuff on the Internet.

For related reading you might find an earlier posting helpful, at https://rcspiritual.wpenginepowered.com/ask-a-priest-am-i-wrong-if-i-find-it-tough-to-date-someone-who-isnt-a-virgin/.

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The Regnum Christi Mission

The Regnum Christi Identity

Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!