When my husband and I moved into our home nearly 15 years ago, the house fit us just right. We had four children all under the age of nine, with a baby on the way, but our new home’s five bedrooms seemed to offer more than enough space. And it did… for a while. Now, that “baby” is 14, and the others are all adults, or nearly so, between the ages of 17 and 22. The oldest, who had moved away for a year, has since returned home, bringing with him a cat, and our house, which used to fit us perfectly, now feels like something we’ve maybe long outgrown.
And our old roles as parents feel a bit the same way – we’ve outgrown the stage of diapers and dependence, being the constant regulators and supervisors of everyone’s days, and we’re still trying to figure out how we fit into this new role of parents of adults, who are, for the most part, in charge of their own schedules, of getting themselves to their own activities, and, to some extent, of solving their own problems. Adapting to this new stage of parenthood hasn’t always been easy, and Lent seems like the perfect time to put some focus into prayer and sacrifice for these big “kids” in our home and in our lives.
Here are some resolutions you might try if you’ve got big kids to pray and sacrifice for:
1. Learn your child’s love language, and act on it in a specific way.
If you’re unsure what your child’s love language is, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Gary Chapman would be a great place to start. If your older children still live with you, like mine do, you might choose a daily resolution related to their love languages (like setting aside time at the end of the day to chat with a child whose love language is quality time or words of affirmation). If not, make a specific plan to connect with them through their love language throughout Lent.
2. Pray for them regularly.
After some very complicated problems arose with some of our adult children, and knowing that they are other parents dealing with similar complications, my husband and I started an Evening of Adoration for Parents of Teenage and Adult Children, and now every month, we gather together in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament for our kids. Choose a prayer devotion that you will offer specifically for your child (weekly adoration, a daily rosary, or a daily prayer to a teenage or young adult saint) throughout the 40 days of Lent.
3. Offer your Lenten sacrifice for them.
Regardless of what you decide to “give up” this Lent, whether it’s chocolate or junk food or social media, don’t let that sacrifice go without offering it up for your child.
4. Unite yourself to Mary.
Whatever you decide to do (or give up) for your teenage and adult children this Lent, know that you are not alone. “Here is your mother,” said Jesus from the cross (John 19:27), and she is your adult children’s mother, too, a ready support to you as a parent, and a constant interceder of all your (and their) intentions.
If this isn’t what you’re looking for this Lent, you might try one of these other Lenten themes I’ve written about in previous years, like:
Lenten Resolutions to Make the Most of Your Day
Lenten Resolutions When You Have Relationships in Need of Healing
Lenten Resolutions for Your Mental Health
