Q: I come from an atheistic background, yet I came to believe in God and that the Catholic Church is the one, true Church. Yet, I still have doubts about the existence of God. And because joining the Catholic Church would seriously impact my future life, I want to be intellectually sure that God exists. I don’t want to spend my whole life worshipping something that might not exist. So, a few months ago I started looking into arguments for and against the existence of God. But recently a thought started to creep into my head, that what I am doing is sinful. That I must simply believe that God exists. That God would find it insulting that I doubt his existence and need to research to believe in him or to be sure. I think I am surely just overly scrupulous. But I want to be sure I am not doing anything sinful. So, my question is: Would God be OK with my accepting that he might not exist and subsequently delve into arguments for or against him (miracles, apparitions, problem of evil, etc.), until I would be sure that he actually exists or find it unlikely and stop believing? If God would have a problem with that, would that be a venial or even a mortal sin for me to continue my research? Thank you for your answers. – V.L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It sounds as though the Holy Spirit is nudging you closer to God.

Rather than try to answer your specific question, let me state the situation in a different way.

God created faith and reason. He gives us intelligence and free will. With intelligence, we can seek the truth. With free will, we can make an act of faith and love.

You can certainly use your intelligence to study the arguments for and against the existence of God.

My advice is to keep going deeper into the arguments. A few resource that might help are:

─ Peter Kreeft’s 20 arguments for the existence of God

─ The Aquinas 101 course offered by the Thomistic Institute. This is a set of short videos on the theology of St. Thomas Aquinas. They give an overview of Church teaching, though there are specific videos on arguments regarding the existence of God.

A second piece of advice is this: Don’t try to find “scientific” proofs in this case.

Strictly speaking, the question of God’s existence is beyond the bounds of science to prove or disprove.

But then, many of our most cherished beliefs are beyond scientific proofs. We don’t test a mom’s love for her child in a laboratory, for instance.

At some point we sense that the circumstantial evidence is overwhelming in one direction, and we make an act of assent.

I think you will find the circumstantial evidence points in a very definite direction regarding Our Lord. In the meantime, try praying to God for guidance.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.