Q: I am looking for guidance on how to better connect with my stepson from a faith perspective. He and I have a decent relationship. We can talk sports or life issues with no problem, and he is fully attentive. When I bring up discussions about Catholicism, he basically just shuts down or tells me that he knows (he’s 16 so he knows everything). I backed off and have tried to subtly bring it up so that it doesn’t come off as “too much.” I also let him know that if he has any questions, to please bring them up to me and that I love him and that it is my job as his stepdad to raise him in the Catholic faith. I am worried about him because I do not see him taking his faith seriously; it comes off that he is just checking the box so that I leave him alone about it. My next plan is to find Catholic athletes and send him articles about them. Not bombard him, but send him once in a while, telling him that this is a good read. I pray for him every day in my rosary. – S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s admirable that you are trying to raise your stepson in the faith and that you are praying for him every day.

For now, just the fact that he sees you taking the faith seriously can be a big help for him. A dad who lives the faith openly can have a huge impact on his children.

That said, it’s good to remember that everyone is unique. People are at different stages in their life of faith.

If you get the sense that he doesn’t want to talk about religion, don’t press the issue.

He might simply be the type of person who doesn’t talk much about the faith or isn’t comfortable speaking about it, at least not now. There’s no use trying to force these conversations.

And from what you say, I’m not sure that sending him articles will do the trick, either.

While sending an occasional article isn’t a bad idea, the risk is that it might come across as your attempt to force another conversation with him.

Perhaps the better thing would be to see if you and he could get involved in an activity together.

This could be a father-son camp (maybe there’s one organized by your parish or diocese) or a charitable activity, such as working at a soup kitchen or doing yard work or maintenance for a pro-life agency or something similar.

The idea is for the both of you to work together. This brings men together, and it might be an opportunity for your stepson to open up.

This is general advice, of course, since I don’t know much about your stepson.

But maybe this different approach to bonding with him is something worth considering.

One other suggestion: Instead of sending him articles, think about having apologetic books around the house. Some of these might catch his attention. You might check out the websites of Catholic Answers, Ascension Press, Ignatius Press and Sophia Institute, for openers.

I hope that some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

 

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