Q: My son who is Catholic married a Baptist. She knew and accepted that he was a Catholic (though he wasn’t practicing regularly). Her family has never accepted his or my being Catholic. The couple now have three children who go exclusively to her church. They are not allowed to ever go to a Catholic church, by their mother’s words. My son used to come to Mass with me occasionally but now cannot because his wife won’t allow him to. I’ve not said anything to address how this hurts me as he is an adult, and forcing the issue seems wrong. He told me she has threatened to divorce him and not allow him to see his children if he went to church with me again. As of late my son has taken to insulting and criticizing the Catholic faith, particularly the saints, saying that we pray to dead people “which is a sin.” He then told me I can’t be a Christian if I don’t read the Bible every day. I don’t know apologetics well enough to defend properly my faith, but said I live my faith daily. I’m seriously worried that he will tell me I’m not allowed in his home or to see his children because I’m a Catholic. I would miss them all very much but won’t abandon my faith. I also worry about my final arrangements being honored so I will be buried in the Catholic faith. He told me that the dead don’t need prayers because they are beyond help. This makes me sad, because of what our faith says about prayers for those in purgatory. – P.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: I’m deeply sorry to hear about this situation. It must be heartbreaking to see your son’s split with the Church.
From what you describe it sounds as though your son has undergone a steady and severe deformation of conscience.
He gradually abandoned the Catholic faith for the sake of his wife and now openly attacks it.
Without knowing more details about their marriage or how they see things, I would suggest things for your short- and long-term benefit.
First, it is crucial that you do not compromise your own faith, in order to try to appease the in-laws. It sounds as though anything short of apostasy wouldn’t satisfy them.
The best thing you can do is be the best Catholic you can, and to pray and sacrifice for the conversion of your son and his family.
To defend your faith better, you might want to start reading books of apologetics. A few suggestions:
Surprised by Truth, by Patrick Madrid;
Catholicism and Fundamentalism, by Karl Keating;
The Case for Catholicism and Why We’re Catholic, both by Trent Horn
The Essential Catholic Survival Guide
As for a Catholic burial: It might be good to speak with an attorney and with your pastor, and to spell out your desire for a Catholic funeral. Even if your son won’t pray for you after your death, the Church will.
A funeral Mass is one of the most powerful prayers that can be offered for your soul. You might even be able to leave money in your will for the parish and to ask that Masses be celebrated for you after your passing.
This is the moment to stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary. As a mom, she knows your heart and knows what you are enduring. If you stay faithful to her Son, you will do well.
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