Q: I don’t know how to explain a certain sin in the confessional. I try to share my faith in a gentle and simple way, but here is where I think I sin: When I text or say something inspirational or about the faith, I’m finding that I am constantly checking the “response” to my text to see what the other person says, and I also re-read it many times (imaging how the person is thinking that I’m this “really good person”). I feel in my heart that this is wrong and start second-guessing myself — if what I am doing or saying is for my benefit. Is this pride? It is being hypocritical, and I’m using my faith selfishly? I don’t want to stop sharing my faith because I think I’m sinning and stroking my own ego. Any advice would be appreciated. – K.P.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: It sounds as though your efforts to evangelize are mixed with a bit of vanity. You want to be noticed and admired for your efforts to share the Gospel. You aren’t the only person who has ever fallen into this trap. The answer isn’t to stop sharing the faith; rather, the solution is to purify your motives. A Gospel parable worth contemplating is that of the sower of the seed (Matthew 13:1-9 or Luke 8:4-8). Notice that the sower sows the seeds (the Gospel message) in all directions, without much attention as to where they fell. The sower moves on and doesn’t wait to see how or whether the seeds take root. In the same way, you should try to sow the seed without worrying what the reply will be. (If someone misunderstands a doctrinal point or gets offended by an analogy you use, that’s a different matter; that is when you might want to rephrase something or rethink your approach.) Sowing the seed and moving on without regard for feedback might take a bit of discipline. But if you work at, you can wean yourself off the need to be praised. For openers, you might consider deleting the replies after you read them once. Don’t be surprised if the battle against vanity proves difficult. As Blaise Pascal wrote in his Pensées, “Vanity is so firmly anchored in man’s heart that a soldier, a camp follower, a cook or a porter will boast and expect admirers, and even philosophers want them; those who write against them want to enjoy the prestige of having written well, those who read them want the prestige of having read them, and perhaps I who write this want the same thing.” Ideally, everything we do, including evangelization, should be for God’s glory, not ours.
