“Ask a Priest: What If My Daughter Is Pro-Gay?”

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Q: My daughter seems to be attracted to gay people and likes to watch films about gay couples and to write her own stories centered around gay relationships. She’s very anti-straight people and says it’s because boys in her class (a Catholic school) talk so disgustingly about women that she thinks men just treat women as sex objects. I think she must be confused about her own sexuality, but she won’t discuss it and she gets very angry and upset when I tell her that she shouldn’t be watching and writing about gay relationships. She thinks it’s OK if they only kiss. I want to know if I’m doing the right thing by saying it’s wrong since it upsets her so much. – K.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear that your daughter is exposed to such foul talk — at a Catholic school, no less. It’s a sign of the times, unfortunately.

As to your question: It sounds as though you are saying the right thing but not in the right way.

Our ability to communicate a message depends a lot on the listener’s ability and readiness to accept it.

One source of the problem is that your daughter has been repulsed by the foul talk of (presumably) heterosexual young men. That means one point against heterosexuals and one point against men — in your daughter’s mind. Small wonder that she might find (genial) gay people a more appealing group.

Whether she herself feels the pull of a gay lifestyle is hard to say, based on your e-mail.

This is a complicated case, far beyond the scope of what an e-mail can address. But perhaps a few suggestions would help.

First, try to build as much rapport with your daughter as possible. Show support for her rejection of what she hears from her male peers at school. Perhaps you can share with her that not all men are like that. Point out the men in your life who are polite toward and respectful of women — men whom your daughter knows well.

Second, encourage her to maintain her own dignity. Let her know that Jesus loves her dearly and suffered and died for her — another sign that not all men are bad.

Third, it might help if you and she read or viewed some material together. A few suggestions and/or resources: Theology of the Body for Teens and (if you think it appropriate) “The Third Way” video.

Another thing that might help is getting your daughter involved with other, young faithful Catholics in volunteer work or even a mission (see Regnum Christi’s Mission Youth program).

In the meantime you might want to intensify your prayers for your daughter. More prayer, less preaching will help to keep her heart open. And you might consider saying something to the school about the students’ foul talk.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!