Q: I am in desperate search of guidance on the topics of death and dying. I am a practicing Catholic and I believe in the Bible, I believe in Jesus and the resurrection, but I am terrified of dying. So terrified that I have panic attacks and have lost many nights of sleep. I have a lot of issues with dying. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what it could possibly be like — and what I can understand, I don’t want it to happen. I know that Scripture teaches us that we “fall asleep” when we die, and that when Jesus comes again, we will ascend to heaven. I believe it was St. Paul who compared the time we fall asleep to the time Jesus comes again to “the blink of an eye,” but falling asleep from the beginning frightens me. I really like living and being alive. I don’t want to die. I want to be with Jesus in the end, but that leap of faith petrifies me. I end up going in circles of doubt where I begin to convince myself that there is nothing after death and that it’s just nothing. I am only 22, so I have no reason to really suspect my end anytime soon. I just can’t seem to calm myself about dying, it’s by far my biggest fear. I’m hoping that by emailing you, I can help alleviate my fears and doubts. Thanks for your time, and please, I desperately am in search of answers. – C.R.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: While it’s understandable that we have a fear of dying — it is kind of unnatural, after all, and not part of God’s original plan for us — we shouldn’t fear death, per se, unless we are in a state of mortal sin.
Death is a veil that separates this world from the next. In some ways, death can be a relief, for the alternative would be to remain in this world forever. That wouldn’t be very appealing, when you think of it.
You say you are a practicing Catholic and believe in the Bible. That’s good. Being Catholic implies that we should be people of hope and that we recognize that death isn’t the last word.
Without knowing much about your situation, I wonder whether part of the problem is that you are too focused on dying and not enough on living.
The time we have in this world is the time we have to become saints. And to become a saint means that we learn to love.
So, a question worth raising is, whom do you love? To whom do you dedicate yourself? What do you do for others on any given day? Do you have a wife and children? Do you have a sweetheart? Do you have parents or siblings or neighbors who could use your help?
We are relational by nature. We need other people to complement us.
“Man cannot live without love,” Pope St. John Paul II wrote in his first encyclical, Redemptor Hominis. “He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love.”
If you are lacking in people for whom you can sacrifice, you might try getting involved in volunteer Church work. Get involved in urban missions, soup kitchens, door-to-door missions.
And try to network with other young Catholics who are serious about their faith. You can find them in pro-life groups and Bible studies. Attend Catholic lectures in your area. You might meet people with whom you can connect.
In short, if you focus on living life well and embracing belief in the resurrection of the dead, the excessive fear of death could recede.
A book that might help you is From Worry to Wonder.
If a resource like this book doesn’t help, and if you are struggling with major, ongoing anxiety, you might want to seek out a counselor. To find one you could check out Catholic Therapists.
It also might help to find a solid, regular confessor to guide you.
For more reading you might look at Pope Benedict XVI’s encyclical Spe Salvi.
I hope that some of this helps. Count on my prayers, OK?
