Q: I converted to Catholicism in 2020 and have no regrets! However, recently I started having the same thoughts I had before converting: “What if I’m wrong?” Before becoming Catholic I was passionately convinced that Judaism was true, but came across info that made me reconsider. Theology isn’t the issue for me; I’ve studied long enough to believe the claims made by Catholicism, but I often struggle with trusting myself and accepting decisions I’ve made. It bothers me that I could be so passionate about one religion, then change to another. How do I deal with this so I can be fully content with the decision I’ve made? I really dislike that these thoughts have come back. – O.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It’s good to hear that you converted to Catholicism.
At one level your baptism and/or confirmation and reception of Communion have transformed you deeply. Yet, you seem to find yourself struggling with an old problem of confidence and being secure in your decisions.
The problem of confidence could be linked to your self-image and other struggles. A short e-mail might not be the best venue for addressing those issues.
As for acceptance of decisions you have made, it’s good to remember that we rarely have 100% certainty in the things we decide. Sometimes we simply have to do our best to research and pray over a matter, and then make our best decision and leave things in God’s hands.
That said, it’s not unknown that people who enter the Church with great fervor might end up drifting away after a few years. This isn’t to imply that this is an imminent danger in your case. Nevertheless, your struggle is worth addressing.
There could be various factors at work.
For one, the devil is always up to his tricks, trying to put a wedge between us and Christ. The evil one loves to sow doubts and stir up confusion. A good rule of thumb is never to change the course of your life when you are anxious or confused. The Holy Spirit respects us and works in us when we are calm.
Second, it’s crucial to have a solid prayer life and sacramental life. There is no substitute here. So, it’s good to evaluate whether you are dedicating enough time to prayer. A good prayer life can include a daily rosary, as well as morning, midday and night prayers.
Sacramental confession on a monthly basis is a good minimum to strive for if you want to keep growing in the spiritual life. Having a solid, regular confessor can help, too.
Third, it’s good to see if you are actively integrating your faith in your daily life. That is, do you seek out friends who share the faith? Are you involved in a Church-related apostolate? It’s easier to live our faith when we are actively working to build up the Church and to evangelize others.
Integrating your faith into daily life includes very practical things, too: the kind of clothes you wear; the media you consume (do you listen to Catholic radio, for instance?); the books on your shelves (see the Catholic Information Center suggestions); the topics of your conversations. Helpful, too, could be doing an annual retreat.
You might want to take some of the above to prayer and see where the Holy Spirit is leading you.
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