Q: I am a Protestant, and my boyfriend is a Catholic. We want to get married. Is such a union possible? Can we be married first by a Protestant minister and then by a Catholic priest in his church? And if I do not give consent to raising children in Catholicism, will we be married? I want children to choose their own path to God. – M.K.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: The Catholic Church does allow Catholics to marry non-Catholics, but it requires the expressed permission of the bishop. A bishop could also give permission for a wedding in a non-Catholic setting, but that would require a serious reason.
One of the requirements for the Catholic partner in this case is to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic must be made aware of the partner’s responsibility.
This is something you might want to talk over with your boyfriend. You and he would also need to be open and honest if you object to the children being raised Catholic.
You mention that you want children “to choose their own path to God.”
It is good to remember that children are like blank slates. They need guidance in religion just as they need guidance in everything else in life, from food to clothing to good manners to education.
If they aren’t raised in any faith, they won’t be well-equipped to make a good decision regarding Our Lord.
Not teaching them about Jesus is like not teaching them to read and write. If you wait for them to decide on their own, it might be too late.
All Christians are called to bring the Gospel message to others, beginning with their children. Indeed, to not teach children about Jesus deprives them of the most important thing in life.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church in No. 2685 states:
“The Christian family is the first place of education in prayer. Based on the sacrament of marriage, the family is the ‘domestic church’ where God’s children learn to pray ‘as the Church’ and to persevere in prayer. For young children in particular, daily family prayer is the first witness of the Church’s living memory as awakened patiently by the Holy Spirit.”
It might be good to speak directly with a Catholic pastor. A dialogue could help dispel some of your concerns.
You might want to take this to prayer. And again, be open with your boyfriend and with anyone who might prepare you for marriage.
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