Q: I recently started practicing my faith again after many years. My girlfriend of four years is not baptized and not fond of religion, so this news was a shock to her. We discussed raising children if we were to get married, and she’s recently been more open to having our children attending Catholic school, going to church every Sunday, receiving the sacraments, and even accepting that they would be taught that abortion and contraceptives are wrong – two things that she holds strong opposing views on. Despite this, she’s made it clear that she has no desire to convert and that she won’t change her mind on these views. She’s stated that she would share her views on abortion and contraceptives with our future children, and this is my main concern. How do I move forward? I appreciate that she’s been more open to having our children brought up in the Church, but I’m stuck on the fact that my son or daughter could be taught that using condoms, birth control, or getting an abortion are acceptable, in addition to the fact that they would be hearing conflicting viewpoints from both parents. – Nathan
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
It’s good that you are practicing your faith again after many years. Our Lord has given you a special grace here.
You want to make the most of that grace, and that includes doing your best to pass on the faith to any future children.
As for your girlfriend: It’s good that you are finding out now, rather than later, about her views on abortion and contraception and her intention to share those views with your future children.
As you sense, these aren’t secondary issues; they cut to the heart of the dignity of human life and of marriage.
The Church’s stance against abortion and contraception isn’t just a Catholic opinion. It involves human values that apply to everyone, everywhere.
Abortion and contraception are helping to destroy societies — witness the plunging birthrates around the world — as well as undercutting the nature of human sexuality and marriage. These are life-and-death issues.
Here, you need to consider how well your girlfriend would really help to instill the Catholic faith in your children.
She might be willing to drive the kids to Catholic school in the morning. But that might not mean a lot if later at the dinner table she’s basically telling them that it’s OK to kill unborn children and to frustrate God’s plan for marital intimacy.
As you suggest, this kind of thing will send mixed signals to your children.
As a dad you would have to answer to Our Lord someday for how you tried to pass on the faith to your children. Hence, your choice of a wife is no small factor.
People can change, of course. It might be good for you and your friend to study the Catholic faith together.
You might suggest to her that you both read the Youth Catechism or the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults.
Then see how things develop. If you don’t see any progress in her way of thinking, you might want to consider whether you would be comfortable with her as the mother of your children.
In the meantime, it would be good to pray for her and think of offering sacrifices (fasting, for instance) for her change of heart. The salvation of a future family could be at stake.
