“Ask a Priest: What If a Guy I Like Is Thinking of the Priesthood?”

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest
Q: I have found myself in a tricky situation. I met a good Catholic man. We became close. He told me he really liked me, and he had even considered dating me. But at the same time his mind was occupied with the question of whether he was called to be a priest. So, we decided to stay friends until he makes the decision. But after two months I realized this is much harder than I expected. We restricted our contact so that we only talk once a week in a phone call. But I am not sure whether this is a right approach. It hurts me because I don’t know how he decides, and I don’t know if there ever will be something between us. On the other hand, I really want to support him, but it is so hard for me. He gave himself a year to decide whether he enters a seminary or not. What should I do? Should I leave him alone until he decides, or should I continue in this friendship and try to support him? Thank you for your advice. – T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: A situation like this is always delicate, and ultimately it is something that only you can decide.

That said, I offer a few observations.

First, if a young man is seriously thinking of the priesthood, he should start to live as someone who intends to embrace lifelong celibacy.

This would normally entail not dating, since healthy dating is done with a possible eye toward marriage.

If he can’t handle life without a girlfriend or even a woman for whom he has feelings, he won’t be able to handle life without a wife.

Second, serious discernment about the priesthood requires a man to intensify his life of prayer, the sacraments, spiritual reading, and spiritual direction, etc. For him to be involved in a relationship with a woman would simply be too much of a distraction, I dare say.

Third, and this is related to the second point, your very presence in his life could complicate and muddle his discernment.

Moreover, it could set you up for heartache later. You might get very attached to him, only to have him drop the relationship in a year or so if he joins the seminary.

This is personal advice, by the way. Other people might give you a different take.

In any case, you might want to take some of this to prayer.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!