Q: I graduated high school recently and was wondering if I ever see my high school bullies, is it OK to cuss them out? It doesn’t feel right for me just to ignore them. I was a shy girl, and I never did or said anything mean to these people in the first place. And since no one is telling me how to deal with bullies, I want to go all in — is that fine? Thank you. – Amanda

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It would be better to forgive the bullies and move on.

Jesus tells us to forgive others, just as God forgives our sins.

Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:14-15 are worth remembering: “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.”

You don’t want the memory of their bullying you to drag you down. You don’t want to give them that “victory.” You can do better than that.

In any case, bullies can end up very sad people if they don’t change.

But people can change. Even bullies can change and become better people over the years. They can mature and see the errors of their past.

It’s not a bad idea to assume that they were immature and insecure at the time and might have been wrestling with lots of issues and not aware of how they impacted others. To paraphrase the wise words of Jesus, “Father, forgive them, they knew not what they did.”

In any case, forgiving them will take a load off your shoulders. For the damage we do to ourselves through unforgiveness is usually far greater than the damage that others have done to us.