Q: Hi, I have a crush on a girl. She’s Lutheran and I’m Catholic. We spend a lot of time together and get along very well. We are both very modest and believe that sexual stuff should wait for marriage. I would love to spend every day with her and date but minus the sexual stuff. What is the Catholic teaching on this? Should we just stay friends? – Allen
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: It’s great to hear that you both believe that sex is only for marriage. The practice of chastity makes for healthier relationships all around. Now, decisions regarding dating are prudential ones that only you and this young woman can make. No one can make them for you. A few things are worth noting. Ideally, dating should be done with an eye toward marriage. You want to look for signs that this person might make a good wife who could help you and your children get to heaven. For the record, the Church doesn’t encourage mixed marriages. Differences in religion can be a source of tension as the years go on. The Catechism in No. 1634 says: “Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. “But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home.” Now, you mention that you have a crush on this young woman. That is reason enough to put on the brakes a bit. Having a crush can blur your way of thinking. This is understandable. It’s important that you both learn each other’s values and hopes, as well as your limitations. Learning about each other in a healthy way requires boundaries. You mention wanting to spend every day with your friend. Be careful about spending too much time together, since that can lead to temptations you don’t expect. Rather, you might want to take things slower. Plan your activities to occur in public places. Try to mix with other people. And vary the activities. All this will help you to understand each other’s likes and interests and how you interact with others. You will also want to understand each other’s religious views. One of the conditions for a mixed marriage is that a Catholic has to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Would this be a source of difficulty? In the meantime, cultivate your prayer life and sacramental life. And look for opportunities to share your faith with your friend. Then, see how things develop. Count on my prayers.
