“Ask a Priest: Is a Confessor the Same as a Spiritual Director?”

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest
Q: I’m pretty sure that I am converting to Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy, which both mention the idea of a confessor or, as I’ve also heard it put, spiritual mother/father. This is something that I really feel I need, but I’m not sure precisely how that relationship is supposed to be established/maintained. I’ve wondered if one’s confessor is synonymous with the priest who hears one’s confession, but I’ve also heard the confessor role discussed in the context of a more complex, mentor-like relationship (such as checking in regularly in regard to sins or problems that might be impacting a person’s spiritual life or reading a challenging text such as “Dark Night of the Soul”). So, could you clarify precisely what the role of confessor entails and how that connection is established? – M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to hear that you feel drawn to Churches that have the full range of sacraments that Our Lord instituted in order to help us reach heaven.

Let me start with the Catholic perspective. A confessor, in this context, is a priest or bishop who hears confessions. Some Catholics have regular confessors, while others prefer to go to various confessors. The decision would be yours.

A spiritual director is someone you meet occasionally for in-depth discussions about your spiritual life. These discussions could cover your prayer life, the inspirations you are receiving from the Holy Spirit, the difficulties you are facing, the books you are reading, etc. The director could be a priest or deacon or consecrated person or a layperson.

Sometimes a person might have a regular confessor who also functions as a spiritual director.

Eastern Orthodoxy has a figure known as a starets (pronounced STAHR-its). A starets is a spiritual director or religious teacher, specifically a spiritual adviser, known for his piety, to whom monks or laymen turn for spiritual guidance. The starets need not be a priest.

In the Catholic realm, a layperson can be a spiritual director. In fact, it might be easier to find a layperson rather than a priest for spiritual direction, since it can be a time-consuming task and many priests are already swamped with work.

Sometimes a regular confessor can function as a spiritual director of sorts. If he gets to know you well, he could give advice within the sacrament of confession. This can be especially helpful since it is not always easy to find a good spiritual director.

For more reading, you might look at some articles by my colleague Father John Bartunek and his associate Dan Burke, such as this one on the difference between confession and spiritual direction (http://www.spiritualdirection.com/2014/03/10/what-is-the-difference-between-confession-and-spiritual-direction), or this one on how to find a spiritual director (http://www.spiritualdirection.com/topics/spiritual-direction/finding-a-director).

Even if you can’t find a director, it will help to have a good reading list of spiritual books. A diet of solid spiritual reading can be the next best thing to having a director.

Count on my prayers as you continue your spiritual journey.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!