“Ask a Priest: How Much More Do I Need to Do for My Ailing Husband?”

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest
Q: How does one know to say, “It’s enough”? My husband got sick in Europe and received a kidney transplant and now is having a liver transplant. I’ve sent the money to Europe — his brother is looking after everything as I can’t fly. My husband is a truly a good man but he’s suffering. Am I doing wrong in our heavenly Father eyes if I say no more surgery after this one and no more money? I can’t take anymore of him suffering. This is so hard. Please, what does our heavenly Father tell us what to do in situations like this? – A.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I am sorry to hear about your husband’s health. It must be painful to know that the man you love is suffering so intensely. This must be a very heavy burden for you, indeed.

The short answer is that the Church does not require us to pursue disproportionate medical care just to keep a person alive. Patients do, however, have a right to basic, proportionate care, such as hydration and feeding.

The Catechism in No. 2278 says:

Discontinuing medical procedures that are burdensome, dangerous, extraordinary, or disproportionate to the expected outcome can be legitimate; it is the refusal of “over-zealous” treatment. Here one does not will to cause death; one’s inability to impede it is merely accepted. The decisions should be made by the patient if he is competent and able or, if not, by those legally entitled to act for the patient, whose reasonable will and legitimate interests must always be respected. [end quoted material]

The longer answer is: The question of whether more surgeries should be pursued is something that you and the family and your husband (if possible) need to decide, perhaps in consultation with doctors and a priest or reputable medical ethicist on the scene. This would allow the decision to be based on more than just a feeling of not being able to “take anymore of him suffering.”

What is extraordinary care in any given case depends on a lot of factors, such as a patient’s age, prospect of recovery and the costs? For more reading, see the National Catholic Bioethics Center posting at https://www.ncbcenter.org/publications/end-life-guide/.

Above all, this is a moment to intensify your prayers for your husband. Even if you can’t travel to accompany him, you can be close to him spiritually. You can ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen your husband. You certainly could ask that he receive the anointing of the sick if he hasn’t received it yet.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!