“Ask a Priest: Am I Wrong to Forgo Marriage After the Death of My Beloved?”

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest
Q: There was a girl who I was in love with, but unfortunately I lost her to a brain tumor. Since then I took a decision of not getting married to any other girl. I am also not holy enough to be a priest. I just want to stay a bachelor for the rest of my life. I still believe in God and love him. I sometimes even pray so that I don’t get married. Will it be right if I did this? Is there anything wrong or sinful in what I am doing? – J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It must be heartbreaking to lose this young woman whom you loved. May God rest her soul.

It is understandable that your first reaction is to want to retreat into a life of solitude. You need to go through a period of mourning. It would help a lot to intensify your prayer for the repose of your friend’s soul; in this way you could continue to show your love for her. With time your heart can heal.

Looking ahead, it is good to remember that God has a mission for you. It is not something that you need to shoulder alone, for the Almighty will be there to give the grace you need to carry out the mission.

You speak of “not getting married to any other girl.” You also mention that you are “not holy enough to be a priest.”

Perhaps in the first case you think that you are incapable of loving anyone else. In the second, you seem to think you are unworthy of a life of special service to the Church.

Let’s start with the priesthood first. The priesthood is a vocation, a call from Christ. It isn’t a backup career for someone whose hopes at marriage seem to fade. Rather, it is a call to participate in the priesthood of Christ to serve and help sanctity the people of God and to preach the Gospel. If Christ calls someone to the priesthood, he will give the man the graces necessary to follow the vocation.

At a deeper level, perhaps, your comments about marriage and priesthood are two sides of the same coin: You feel inadequate for both.

In one sense you are right. Certainly, none of us priests are adequate for the priesthood on our own. Similarly, the demands of marriage and parenthood can push anyone’s abilities to the breaking point. What empowers priests to be good priests, and spouses to be good spouses and parents, is divine assistance.

And that’s what you might remind yourself of now. You can do a lot with your life if you stay close to God and let the Holy Spirit strengthen and sustain you.

With God’s grace you can learn to see all the events of your life things through his eyes – even the tragic events. “We know that all things work for good for those who love God” (Romans 8:28).

What this can mean in your current situation is this: The love this young woman inspired in you is meant to grow, not wither. Part of your mission now is to spread love to others around you, in a way that is proper to each person.

This doesn’t mean that you must get married. But you don’t want to give up on life, either. Your own experience of heartbreak can make you more sensitive to the needs of others. That is a trait you want to cultivate.

Some of this might take time. During your period of mourning, when the strong experience of loss might be overwhelming, it would be good to avoid making a lifelong decision not to marry. Stay open to wherever God might lead.

Again, you need to go through a stage of mourning. But do it with the hope that your friend is with Jesus.

And remember that Our Lord has something wonderful in store for you. To discern what that might be, it would help to seek out a good, regular confessor or a spiritual director. Your friend would no doubt want you to find out what Jesus wants for you.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

Have a question?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time.

Ask A Catholic Priest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use.  You can ask about anything: liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events. Our goal is to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

Need an answer?

Be in the know

Sign up to receive the latest questions and answers by email biweekly.

Have a Question about the Faith? Get the answer here!

Scroll to Top

Ask a Priest a Question

Please note:

Questions regarding details of abuse of minors or vulnerable adults (including pornography) could be the subject of a mandated report to civil authorities. Mandated reporters are persons identified by law who have an obligation to report suspected child abuse and neglect. 

Sign Up to Receive Ask A Priest

* indicates required

Looking for another country?

RC Near You

News & Resources

News & Resources

The Regnum Christi Mission

The Regnum Christi Identity

Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!