Q: I’m 18 years old. I’ve been in a happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend for one year. I’ve been hiding my relationship from my parents until recently. I told them, and they’ve been giving me the cold shoulder. Trying to make things right, I invited my boyfriend to church and introduced him to my parents. Since then, my parents have been advising me to consider breaking up with him since “We come from different backgrounds” and “I’m too young.” Their words and disapproval have hurt me deeply. I won’t break up with my boyfriend, but I need advice. Should my parents interfere in my relationship? — J.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
Without knowing much about your friend or your parents’ point of view, I won’t try to referee anything here.
A few points might be worth pondering.
You mention having a healthy relationship with this young man, but you don’t mention why you had kept things hidden from your parents for so long. Why was that?
If you are still living at home and your parents don’t want the young man in the house, then you should obey their request.
Whether you continue to keep in touch with him is another matter. You are 18, which means you are an adult and can make certain decisions for yourself.
That said, it’s good to remember that your parents love you very much and are only looking out for your benefit.
Parents can see the bigger picture and notice warning signs that a daughter or son misses.
For romance has a way of clouding a person’s vision. When the heart is on fire, the saying goes, smoke gets in the eyes.
You don’t mention what kind of “different backgrounds” your parents were referring to. Are these religious differences? socio-economic? ethnic?
For now, I would encourage you to talk with your parent about their concerns, and to be upfront if you stay in touch with this young man. This can assure your parents of your sincerity.
As for your friend, consider dialoguing with him about the “different backgrounds” you both come from.
Marriage is something of a package deal, of which in-laws form a part. If your families are of diverse backgrounds, that can have an impact on a relationship.
In the meantime, be sure to keep one person at the center of your relationship: Jesus.
The best relationships lead both partners closer to him.
Count on my prayers.
