Q: My sorority runs a system where they pair you with another girl, and you meet up and have a little coffee chat. It’s a good way to get to know people. So, my pair for the week and I made plans to go out to a deli and have lunch. I texted her that morning to see if she was still available. Lunchtime rolled around and I hadn’t heard back from her, and unfortunately this is not uncommon. I’m feeling angry because I was looking forward to meeting this girl and also angry at her because it feels a little disrespectful, but I don’t know if something happened that was inhibiting her from texting back. It also made me think I would never do something like this to somebody and just make plans and not show up, but I also think that is a bad outlook and a bit self-centered. I’m not better than anyone, we’re all equal. I’m wondering how I can manage my emotions of disappointment in others and not hold grudges against them and give them grace but not in a holier-than-thou kind of way. I appreciate your help. — A.V.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:

It’s good that you recognize that you need to change, rather than focusing on this young woman.

While we can’t always control our spontaneous feelings of disappointment, we can work on sticking to the facts as we know them at the moment.

You seemed to jump to the conclusion that this young woman was disrespecting you. Perhaps she was distracted by a last-minute emergency.

In any case, try to work on the habit of assuming the best of people. Remember, some people thought the worst of Jesus. How wrong they were.

But let’s say for the sake of argument that this young woman was careless. What do you do?

First, it would be good to show mercy.

If someone lacks basic courtesy (such as not showing up for an appointment), that might be due to poor education or growing up in a troubled home. Or maybe she’s just self-centered. The problem in this case is hers.

Her problem need not throw you into a tizzy. People can take away your serenity unless you let them.

This could be a simple case of live and learn. People are flawed, so they will disappoint us from time to time.

You might consider reaching out to the young woman and asking her if she is OK.

If she was simply being forgetful, your gentle words might prompt her to do better next time.

To put things in perspective, being stood up for lunch will likely be one of the smaller problems you face in life.

God allows these bumps on the road not to annoy you but to help you grow in virtue and get a handle on your own emotions. This will serve you well throughout life.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.