Q: If an 80-something widower and a 70-something widow find their friendship developing to a higher level with commitment and more intimacy, how can any sex be considered sinful when there is no possibility of conception? To get married again at that age isn’t practical because of all the business aspects and family issues for adult children and grandchildren. Commitment, care, companionship and sexual intimacy seem natural, so why does the Church consider it sinful? — T.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
A: It’s good to remember that the Church didn’t create sex; God did, for a purpose and for use within certain parameters.
God created sex with a twofold purpose: procreation and the unity of spouses.
Procreation, while important, isn’t essential in the sense that spouses who are past childbearing years or who find out they are infertile can still engage in the one-flesh union willed by God.
But that union needs to be blessed by God. Marriage between Catholics (or any Christians) is a sacrament.
To have sex outside marriage undercuts the total commitment that spouses should have toward each other.
It can also scandalize people, especially young people, who already face a culture that denigrates marriage.
You mention that getting married again at your age “isn’t practical.” It’s not clear why you would say this. Couples do, in fact, marry at this age.
You might want to take some of this to prayer, since the sin of fornication puts souls at risk.
Christians who are really in love will want the grace of the sacrament of matrimony to help them reach heaven. And the time when Our Lord will call both of you from this world is approaching.
