Q: I have been working on being patient in my spiritual life, and I definitely am not the same person I was. But I still find myself constantly worrying if I’m good and can do better. I don’t know how or what to do but am trying to trust in God and his plan. I fear I am disappointing him, though I can see progress over the past few months. Any advice would be appreciated. — Jacob

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:

A: It’s great that you want to cultivate the virtue of patience. Sometimes the first person you need to be patient with is yourself.

Growth in the virtues isn’t something we achieve; rather, it’s something that God achieves in us if we are open to his grace.

For now, don’t worry about disappointing God. The fact that you have seen progress and are struggling to improve is a good sign in itself.

It would help to pray each morning for the gift of patience. Then, be prepared, because God will likely send plenty of opportunities to help you grow in the virtue.

These opportunities will come in the form of the guy at work who annoys you, the driver who cuts you off, the family member who didn’t show up for an important event.

All these will be chances to practice patience in real life. It might be a lifelong process, but that’s OK. 

Beyond that, remember that we don’t have to earn God’s love; he already loves us. We can be reminded of that every time we look at a crucifix and recall what Jesus was willing to do for you and me.

If you aren’t as advanced in virtue as you would hope to be, don’t panic.

God will help you grow in his time. In his wisdom he doesn’t make us “perfect” overnight since he knows that could easily lead to us to pride.

So, stay humble and patient, especially with yourself.

A key to all this is prayer.

A few resources that might help you are Part Four of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (beginning at No. 2558); Interior Freedom, by Jacques Philippe; and Opening to God, by Thomas Green, SJ.

I hope that some of this helps. Count on my prayers.