“Ask a Priest: Is It Gossip to Talk About an Irksome Neighbor?”
Q: When is gossip, not gossip? My sister is being menaced by a neighbor (let’s call her Jane), whom I consider to be narcissistic and delusional. Jane has called my sister’s place of employment and tried to get her fired. There were no grounds for the complaint, but my sister had to defend herself. Jane is trying to get her evicted and in my opinion is crossing over to being evil. For no reason, Jane just decided she does not like my sister or her family. The entire family is afraid of her. My sister has decided she has no choice but to move. She recently found a house in a not-too-great neighborhood. My sister and I do talk about Jane in a negative way. I pray for this woman, but we indeed talk about her. Is it gossip? Is it a sin? Thank you and please pray for my sister and her family. – R.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A:
I am sorry to hear about the situation with your sister and her family.
From what you describe, that neighbor might have deep psychological problems.
Now, it’s one thing to speak about objective problems. At times we can’t stick our heads in the ground and pretend as though nothing is wrong.
On the other hand, we need to be careful about how and what we say.
It is one thing to point out an objective fact and to try to deal with it. It’s another to start imputing all kinds of motives to a person. We simply don’t know the heart and mind of each person. God alone can judge a person.
So here you would need to ask yourself about the tone of your conversations about this neighbor. Are you and your sister making a lot of judgmental comments?
The Catechism in No. 2477 says, “Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty […] of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor.”
Moreover, are these conversations helping the situation? Or are they fueling frustration?
Obviously, you will need to evaluate how your conversations are going.
Perhaps some of this is worth taking to prayer … and confession.
Count on my prayers, including for the neighbor.
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