“Ask a Priest: What If I’m Surrounded by Rude People?”
Q: How can I learn to tolerate people again? I moved from my home state of Texas to Nevada for work, and, honestly, the people out here act like they have never been taught manners. They are rude and hateful, and it is beginning to affect me. I am starting to dread going to work and have a general distain for people. I know this is not what God wants me to be like, but I don’t know what to do. Can you please give me some guidance. – Jordan
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC A: I’m sorry to hear about the situation. I’m sure there are many fine people in Nevada, though the problem you mention isn’t unique to the Silver State. Public civility has been in decline for years. The reasons are varied. Perhaps Our Lord allowed for you to end up in Nevada in order to help teach people about Gospel charity. You might not be able to change them quickly, but you can control the way you respond to them. It helps to remember that Jesus died on a cross for each one of the people around you. That means he sees each person as immensely precious. So, try to see people through the eyes of Christ. This is hard for our human nature, but nothing is impossible with the grace of God. To merit that grace, it will help to have a solid prayer life and sacramental life. Try to pause a few times during the day for prayer or a bit of Scripture reading. Start to pray for your co-workers and others whom you will meet during the day. It’s not just a coincidence that they are in your life. You could be called to be an apostle to reach out to them and bring them a bit of Christ’s love through your kindness and patience. Part of the message of the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965) is that the laity need to bring the Gospel into places where priests and religious can’t or shouldn’t be. To state it another way: Your workplace is your mission territory. With the help of baptism and confirmation and the Eucharist, you are empowered to bring the Gospel to others. To sum up the advice: Be sure to being the day with prayer. Ask Our Lord to help you show Jesus’ love to everyone you meet that day. Renew that request throughout the day. Make a resolution each day. For instance, resolve to be nice to Joe, who annoys you constantly, or to Jane, who seems bitter about a past tragedy. By being nice to difficult people, your heart can expand day by day. With perseverance in charity, you can become a saint. It’s not far-fetched. Also, cultivate the habit of only saying good things about people. That will help you look for the good in others, and it will lift the spirits of everyone if your talk is always positive. One other suggestion: Try to cultivate a network of well-mannered friends. You might do this by volunteering to help at a parish. Having even a few good friends can boost your spirit. And again, stay close to the sacraments. You’ll need lots of grace when dealing with hard hearts. But Jesus will be there with you.
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