October 25, 2024

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I Badmouthed My Ex-boyfriend?”

Q: I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, and in a lot of pain and hurt, I gossiped a lot about it to anyone who would listen. It was a form of coping for me and a way to feel better about it. But it was wrong of me. I am afraid that often I exaggerated his faults. I’m worried because I think I made him sound worse than he was. Now the people I talked to didn’t really know him and probably won’t see him again. Should I try to make restitution and go back and explain to people that he wasn’t as bad as I made him out to be? I am very scrupulous sometimes, so advice is much appreciated! Thank you. – Abigail

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Scrupulosity doesn’t seem to be the problem here. You recognize, rightly, that you did something wrong.

Gossiping about someone — indeed, slandering a person — can be a grave matter. It can ruin someone’s reputation.

It would be good to mention all this in confession if you haven’t done so.

As for restitution: This is a trickier matter.

If you have opportunities to speak well of your ex-boyfriend and apologize for some of your earlier comments, then do so.

But be careful not to make matters worse by bringing up the topic again with people who might not want to be burdened by hearing of your personal problems. You need to show prudence.

Perhaps this experience can drive home the importance of speaking well of others.

There are times when we might need to report someone’s bad or dangerous behavior. But we should only speak with those who are able to do something about it.

Romantic relations and breakups are usually in a different realm. If you feel heartache, take it to Jesus in prayer.

There is enough nastiness and negativity in the world. There is no need to add fuel to the fire.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Uncle Eddy

Forty Martyrs of England and Wales

Dear Farrah,

I am glad to hear of your successful ecumenical efforts.  The Holy Father has greatly desired that all Catholics strive to build bridges between other Christian groups.  Your approach of focusing on the person Christ and on Christian morality seems to be a wise one. You can certainly join forces to combat the evils of college culture, even though some divisions still exist on many levels.  I think one of the levels that is too often overlooked as Catholics and non-Catholics try to move closer together is the historical-cultural level. If we really want to work towards full unity, we have to come to grips with some pretty harrowing historical realities, not just different interpretations of a few Bible passages.  Today’s saints are an eloquent reminder of this.

In 1970 Pope Paul VI established today as an optional memorial for the forty martyrs of England and Wales, forty men, women, clergy, laity, and religious who represent the more than 300 people who were martyred in the turbulent years following King Henry VIII’s break from Catholicism.  By establishing the Church of England in 1535, he inaugurated a century and a half of violent civil strife that tore apart the fabric of English society, along with the bodies of hundreds of martyrs. It’s hard for us to understand the persistence and intensity of the violence, because in our day religious pluralism is taken for granted.  But four centuries ago, European culture considered religious truth to be the most sacred sphere of social identity. Kings and governments felt obliged in conscience to stamp out heresy, since heresy would have evil effects on the souls of citizens. In the aftermath of the Protestant Reformation, therefore, all Europe exploded in a series of brutal religious wars.  Catholics and Protestants alike behaved heroically and villainously, and in the end the conflict settled nothing, merely consolidating deep cultural and emotional divisions and paving the way for the evils of secularism.

By establishing this feast day, Pope Paul VI didn’t want to aggravate old wounds; he simply wanted to honor those Catholics who had valued their faith more than their life.  And this proclamation was made in the aftermath of the Second Vatican Council, which laid so much emphasis on ecumenism and Christian unity – it’s almost as if the Pope wanted to make sure no one misunderstood the Council’s message: Christian unity is crucial for the success of the Church’s efforts at evangelization, but it must truly be Christian unity.  In other words, you can’t compromise Catholic doctrine just to make friends with non-Catholics; unity can and must be built on truth.

It seems you have learned the lesson well.  Keep up the good work.

Your devoted uncle, Eddy

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!