May 7, 2024

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Am I Obliged to Get My Grandson to Mass?”

Q: I am my 16-year-old grandson’s confirmation sponsor. My son and his family stopped going to Mass ever since the lockdown from COVID-19. I have tried different ways (many little hints) to get them to come back. My prayers have not been answered yet. My question is: Am I responsible for getting my grandson to Mass even if it could cause a break in our family? This has been extremely stressful and troubling for me. – R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the situation. It might be good to analyze your question a bit.

First, you ask whether you are responsible for getting your grandson to Mass. It’s his parents who have the main responsibility.

You also ask whether you are responsible for getting the teen to Mass “even if it could cause a break in our family.”

To forgo or overlook religious practice to avoid a “break” in the family would be a false peace. Families that don’t practice their faith have their priorities out of line.

It would certainly be good if you could help your grandson attend Mass.

You might offer to do that. If the parents refuse, the onus is on them. Since the grandson is old enough to decide on his own to join you, his parents will have to face their son’s justified pushback.

In one sense, your prayers are being answered: God might be using you to draw your grandson back to Mass and, in turn, give the rest of the family something to ponder.

In any case, offer prayers and sacrifices for the family. And keep up a spirit of hope.

 

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What Would Mary Do: Maternal Advice for When You’re Obsessing

What Would Mary Do: Maternal Advice for When You’re Obsessing

Recently, I had a fairly negative encounter that terribly hurt my feelings (which, I’ll be the first to admit, are very fragile and easily injured), and I replayed the entire thing over and over in my head until I’d nearly driven myself crazy. How could they say that? How could they think that? How could they do that? Only after I had lost plenty of sleep and wasted way too much time obsessing about what had happened did I finally pause and seek Christ’s guidance. And He immediately pointed me to His mother and invited me to ask, what would she do? I knew immediately that whatever the answer was, it was probably pretty close to the exact opposite of what I had been doing, and exactly what I needed.

 

She’d respond with humility.

 

Mary was perfect, so she was never at fault, but I’m human enough to admit that I, on the other hand, am not perfect and, unfortunately, I make a ton of mistakes. And while I’m in the midst of madly spiralling over some perceived slight, or defending myself from what appear to be total falsehoods, it never hurts to take a step back and ask myself: is there any truth in this? Most times, if I’m humble enough to admit it, I can see how I may have played a role in the situation or misunderstanding – even in a small or unintentional way – and I can take simple steps to make things right, or at least better.

 

She wouldn’t try to fix things on her own.

 

When I’m in the middle of a negative situation, I always want to take control and make it all okay. Maybe if I send the perfectly worded text, or come up with the best comeback, or do just the right thing, I’ll make everything magically better, or at least bring about my own version of justice. But that wasn’t Mary’s way – she never relied on herself. At the wedding at Cana, she didn’t go off in search of more wine or attempt to take control; she knew that transformation was not within her power or control – for that, she always turned to her Son. “When we are powerless, let us be quiet and let God act,” says Father Jacques Philippe. The best way to fix things is to be still, pray, and let God do the work. (But be ready to run and fill a bunch of jugs with water if that’s what He asks.)

 

She’d surrender.

 

Surrendering to the will of God was Mary’s special gift, but to me, it doesn’t come so easily. When I’m especially upset, worried, or obsessing about something, it’s really hard to let it go, even in prayer. That’s when I pray a surrendering rosary, during which time I do not allow myself to think about the thing that’s been taking up all my mental bandwidth. As soon as I catch myself thinking about the concern or worrying situation, I simply wave the thought away, and return to my Hail Marys. It might happen a dozen times, or as many times as there are beads on a rosary, but it’s an intentional and active act of surrender, and calls me continually away from myself – and the thing that’s got me all worked up – and towards Christ in the mysteries.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Uncle Eddy

St Agostino Roscelli

Dear Rose,

You don’t have to go to a galaxy far, far away to find work to do for Christ.  There is work aplenty right where you are, right there in your little home town where you are going to spend another summer, life-guarding six days a week.  Every single person in that town is the scene of an intense spiritual battle with eternal consequences.  I am not making this up.  This is Catholic doctrine.

The devil wants to lead each one of them into sin, separating them from God and reeling them into the everlasting frustration of damnation.  Jesus, on the other hand, wants to convince them of his friendship, of the power and the joy that comes from living in harmony with his divine will (the same divine will that runs the universe, by the way).  From that perspective, your summer could be as much of a missionary experience as any trip to the Andes could ever be.  Just follow in the footsteps of today’s saint, and watch how the sparks start to fly.

Agostino was born to a poor farming family in Genoa, Italy, in the early 1800s.  He had to work to help keep food on the table.  He labored in the mountain pastures, guiding and tending the sheep.  There, surrounded by the symphony of nature, he learned the quiet and fruitful art of prayer.  (I wonder: does it ever occur to you to PRAY while you’re whiling away the hours on that life-guard stand?  There you are, basking in God’s glory, the sun, the sand, the water, the joy of the children… Prayer might be a good idea, and it would definitely be good for your soul.)

He loved the mountains, but while still a young man he attended a parish mission that gave him a strong experience of Christ’s power and love, which moved him to decide for the priesthood.  He had to battle severe financial obstacles throughout his seminary years, but the grace of God kept him going, and after he was ordained he went to serve God’s people as a parish priest, shepherding souls instead of sheep.

His many hours in the confessional moved his priestly heart to do something to take away the sources of temptations for so many of his penitents, who were moving to the cities in search of work, as the Industrial Revolution clicked along.  He became chaplain of the prison, where he gave special attention to those desperate criminals on death row.  He was made chaplain of the orphanages, and finally, he himself took the initiative, encouraged by a gang of his penitents, to start a religious congregation to run residential schools for girls, so that they could receive a decent education and formation in the faith, learn a trade, and thereby escape the tangles of prostitution and sweatshops.

After 84 years of tireless service, in which his intense activity never detracted from his even more intense interior life of prayer and recollection, the saint died, as poor monetarily as he was when he was born, but abundantly rich in fruits for the Kingdom.  And he did it all right there in his backyard.  And you can too.  And God is hoping you do – just open your eyes and look for those in need: maybe some kids need to learn the Bible, maybe the home for the elderly needs some new activities, maybe the parish needs to offer young people some alternative entertainment… If you’re willing to go out on a limb and take a risk, I have no doubt the Holy Spirit will be happy to guide you.  And you will be happy too, if you let him.

Your un-tanned uncle,

Eddy

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!