May 3, 2024

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: How Do I Love Someone Who Annoys Me?”

Q: I’m struggling to love a certain woman in my parish. I realized that my love is so imperfect. When she annoys me, I find myself ruminating about what she did (even when it’s minor). It becomes a preoccupation, and this is preventing me from loving her as Christ commanded us. I can’t figure out why she annoys me so much! So how do I love her? How do I deny the feelings within me and just love her for who she is? – Mary

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to remember that Jesus asked us to love everyone. He didn’t say that we must like everyone.

Some people will naturally annoy us. This is the human condition.

This doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t love this person.

Love is an act of the will, not the feelings. We can’t control our feelings, but we can control our will.

You can say, “I will be charitable and respectful toward this person because she is a daughter of God and has the image of God in her. Jesus suffered and died on a cross for her — so that’s a good reason for me to love her.”

If you find it difficult to love this person, that is OK. That gives you a chance to purify your love.

Loving those who are easy to get along with doesn’t require much effort. But to love someone who is difficult takes effort. And that is precisely when you can show yourself a real Christian.

Think about it: This woman can help you grow in holiness.

Count on my prayers.

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Uncle Eddy

St Philip and St James

Dear Jim,

The intellectual life is important, especially for someone like yourself, who has received so much talent in that area.  But for a Christian, it is not life’s be-all and end-all.  Remember, we are at war.  Christ is establishing his Kingdom, and the Devil is trying to frustrate that.  The intellectual life has to be put at the service of the Kingdom, just like everything else.  “If you do not gather with me, you scatter” our Lord pointed out.

To keep you from falling into self-satisfied, judgmental, arrogant, and sterile intellectual self-stimulation, I think you should contemplate the example of the Apostles.  They were Christ’s great deputies, and although they were smart, they always kept their feet on the ground.  Take today’s saints for example.

In the fourth Gospel we get to know Philip pretty well.  Remember when he first meets Jesus and our Lord invites him, “Follow me”?  Then he goes to Nathaniel to tell him that he’s found the Messiah.  Nathaniel doesn’t believe him, and Philip responds with the simplest, most appropriate answer an apostle can give: “Come and see.”  That shows a potent combination of good theology, common sense and a lot of faith.  Of course, it ended up killing him in the end – after spreading the gospel in northern Syria he was crucified upside down by the Romans, martyred just like all other Apostles (except for John, of course).

James (this one is not John’s brother, but the son of Alpheus, a relative of Jesus, called “James the Lesser”) was the same way: well-balanced, matter-of-fact, straightforward, no-nonsense.  After Christ ascended into heaven, St James took charge of the Church in Jerusalem, and under him the Christian ranks swelled so quickly that the authorities stoned him to death in front of the Temple to try and stave off further growth.

He was called “James the Just” by the early Christians.  He has some of my favorite lines in the Bible.  In his letter he writes: “Faith without works is dead.” (James 2:17)  Pretty clear, isn’t it?  And then, “Nobody who fails to keep a tight rein on the tongue can claim to be religious; this is mere self-deception; that person’s religion is worthless.”  (James 1:26)  That’s no pie-in-the-sky, touchy-feely spiritual sedative; that’s gritty theology custom-designed for real life.

I know this kind of practical faith is less comfortable for you than the airy theological and philosophical discussions you like to engage in at the coffee house.  And don’t misunderstand me; those discussions are perfectly fine (and can bear lasting fruit).  I’m just worried that you may get seduced by the pleasures of the intellectual life, and unplug from the more strenuous work of loving Christ with “all your heart, soul, mind, and strength”, as the Gospels put it.  I hope you prove me wrong.

Count on my prayers,

Uncle Eddy

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!