July 25, 2023

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Could My Relationship With God Be Beyond Repair?”

Q: I’d been struggling with a particular mortal sin for a very long time. I hadn’t been taking it seriously. However, I started to notice that my mental health was declining. I was doubting God and fearing that he doesn’t exist because I didn’t feel a closeness to him anymore. I went to confession after not going for a pretty long time. I felt better for a while, but I’m still so anxious that I’m wrong about my faith. I know that my sin broke down my relationship with God, and I’m starting to feel like it’s broken beyond repair. What should I do? – A.M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good that you returned to the sacrament of confession.

It sounds as though you already intuit what is wrong: You went through a long period of sinning, and that weakened your relationship with God.

The problem here isn’t that the relationship is irreversibly broken. God is always willing to forgive, and he wants you close to him.

But your sins have left wounds that will take time to heal.

You mention that your mental health was declining. Without knowing more details, I’d suggest you speak with your doctor or with a counselor for professional guidance.

In the meantime, it would be good to commit yourself to a regular life of prayer and the sacraments and works of charity. Get involved in volunteer work of some kind if possible. This can help you live your faith more fully.

And don’t despair. Discouragement doesn’t come from the Holy Spirit. It comes from pride or from the devil. Pride can be a factor because a person might think himself a special case who is too difficult even for God to handle.

Face it: you need God (just as we all do). If you can stay humble and persevere in prayer and the sacraments and charitable works, your relationship with God will improve. But it will take time.

At a practical level, think of committing to praying the rosary each day, and see if your parish could use your help with a project right now.

A few resources that might help are this interview and this article on discouragement.

Count on my prayers.

 

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Are we denying our loved ones good, holy, purifying deaths?”

Q: As we come of age we tend to experience more often the necessity to make life-altering decisions. We deal with aging grandparents, parents and spouses. Recent experiences with such cases have made me seriously question the health care providers and their true motives. I learned some disturbing facts about the death of a very dear aunt. I decided to make inquiries with a few RNs [registered nurses] with whom I am acquainted. Their answers were more disturbing because I had been brought to believe they were practicing Catholics, and their answers could not possibly be reconciled with the teachings of Roman Catholicism. In our quest to save lives at any and all cost, are we just prolonging agonizing deaths unnecessarily? Are we denying our loved ones good, holy, purifying deaths? I have yet to witness one. When did death become evil? No wonder there is such fear. I am interested in true guidance, for I truly do not wish to die as those I have witnessed. Some patients were unable to move, speak, turn their heads or even scratch an itch. Some were force-fed, denied the ability to quench their thirst, or weren’t allowed to touch their loved ones. Or they were kept in a state of unknowing and false hope, etc. -B.H.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Thanks for your question. It is heartbreaking enough to watch a loved one approach the end of life. It is even more painful to see cases where medical technology interferes with a person’s preparation for “a good, holy, purifying death,” as you mention. Dying is a natural process and death is its end — this is part of the human condition.

Modern technology has helped to save and prolong countless lives. But technology has limits that aren’t easily accepted by everyone. The result is that death can be seen more as a failure of technology, rather than a moment to prepare someone for entering into eternity and encountering God’s mercy and justice.

This is one reason why the Church teaches that we are not obliged to use extraordinary means to keep someone alive. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in No. 2278, says, “Discontinuing medical procedures that are burdensome, dangerous, extraordinary, or disproportionate to the expected outcome can be legitimate […]. Here one does not will to cause death; one’s inability to impede it is merely accepted. The decisions should be made by the patient if he is competent and able or, if not, by those legally entitled to act for the patient, whose reasonable will and legitimate interests must always be respected.”

Now, extraordinary means can vary. What might be extraordinary for an 80-year-old could be considered ordinary for a 25-year-old. Notice, too, that “one does not will to cause death.” The intention is of utmost importance. The Catechism also insists that patients themselves should have a say in their own treatment. Family members should be involved too, since in practice it is not easy for an ill person — especially one with limited knowledge of medicine — to make decisions about complex procedures.

A short answer such as this cannot adequately deal with all the nuances involved. You might want to read the National Catholic Bioethics Center’s “A Catholic Guide to End-of-Life Decisions.” The U.S. bishops’ conference has published “Religious and Ethical and Directives for Catholic Health Care Institutions.”

Euthanasia, or so-called mercy killing, is strictly forbidden. “Whatever its motives and means, direct euthanasia consists in putting an end to the lives of handicapped, sick, or dying persons. It is morally unacceptable,” the Catechism states in No. 2277. An audio talk on euthanasia is available at http://www.ourladyofsantaclara.org/straight-talk/.

You mention knowing of someone who was denied the ability to quench their thirst. Pope John Paul II, in a March 2004 address on the occasion of a conference on “Life-Sustaining Treatments and Vegetative State“, noted that “the administration of water and food, even when provided by artificial means, always represents a natural means of preserving life, not a medical act. Its use, furthermore, should be considered, in principle, ordinary and proportionate, and as such morally obligatory, insofar as and until it is seen to have attained its proper finality, which in the present case consists in providing nourishment to the patient and alleviation of his suffering.”

For further information, you might contact your pastor or your diocese’s family-life office for recommendations. See if a chaplain or Eucharistic minister is available to visit a patient on a regular basis.

In any case, try to accompany loved ones who are in the last stages of life. Encourage them to pray, make use of the sacrament of confession, and receive Communion if possible. Help them to offer their sufferings for the sake of souls. And remind them of the hope that our faith in Christ brings. God bless you and count on my prayers.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!