April 11, 2023

Q: This might be a silly question … but many of my guy and girl friends make homosexual jokes with each other. For example, many of my male friends “act gay” with one another. I recently made a joke about marrying one of these friends (who was of my same sex), purely as a joke, of course, because I view marriage as sacred and holy. But I am wondering if this constitutes a mortal sin. I know the three requirements for a sin to be mortal, but I am struggling to know if what I did was mortally wrong. I knew that homosexual marriage was sinful when making these jokes, and I questioned if the joke was a mortal sin or not before I made the joke, but I was not entirely sure (I still am not). So, I do not know if that constitutes having “full knowledge” of my sin, and if this therefore does not make the sin mortal or not. I am not sure if I am making too much sense, but this is been bugging me so any help is great! — N.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Instead of trying to give a crash course on what constitutes mortal sin, it might be good to raise another question: If these homosexual jokes were “only” venial sins, would you keep telling them?

If the answer is yes, there is a big problem here. To deliberately decide to keep offending God is a sign that you are closer to mortal sin than you realize.

Homosexuality is no laughing matter. People struggling with same-sex attraction “do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial,” the Catechism says in No. 2358. “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.”

While same-sex attraction is not inherently sinful, the living of a homosexual lifestyle is objectively sinful. Such a lifestyle endangers souls, which means it is something to be pitied more than ridiculed.

You mention that marriage as sacred and holy; indeed, it is. That indicates that you hold sexual relations (within marriage) to be sacred and holy, too.

It would be good that your conversation reflects this conviction. If your friends are making fun of homosexuality, that might be a sign of their own insecurities. One or more of them might be secretly struggling with same-sex attraction.

If you can speak in respectful ways about sexuality when the subject comes up, that could edify your pals.

It’s better to change the subject whenever the homosexual joking starts. You don’t want to scandalize anyone or to lower the level of conversation. If you find that the conversations don’t improve, you might want to start looking for another group of friends.

Too many problems today are due to promiscuity, pornography and broken marriages, and these in turn are linked to a deficient appreciation for human sexuality.

In any case, you might not find the subject of homosexuality funny if a sibling or friend someday openly embraced the gay lifestyle. For a sensitive and serious treatment of the topic, you might find “The Third Way” video helpful.

Perhaps some of this is worth taking to prayer.