“Ask a Priest: What If a Pal Ignored My Apology?”
Q: I have said an unkind word to a friend because I overthink things. I was thinking that maybe he is very nice because he wants something or he wants to manipulate me. My trauma was triggered (without him knowing the real reason why) and I displaced my rude behavior on him. I made an impulse decision and unfriended him. After a few days, when I realized my mistake, I apologized, but the message is still ignored. I already received the sacrament of reconciliation but sometimes feel sad that I shouldn’t have acted that way with my friend. The thought of still failing God and neighbor over and over again makes me feel hopeless. And why can’t humans forgive just like Jesus? One mistake committed and the rest of your goodness will be forgotten. Thank you. – V.C.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: It’s good that you recognized your mistake and went to confession.
If your friend doesn’t respond, maybe you could just accept that for now. You can embrace that cross in reparation for your own impulsiveness.
This might be a learning moment for you.
Our actions have consequences. Giving in to our passions or impulses of the moment can have a negative and lasting impact on people.
That’s one reason why it’s crucial that we learn to control ourselves. We can learn this kind of discipline by a solid life of prayer, the sacraments, and constant acts of charity and mortification.
Mortification means denying ourselves things – cooler showers, less dessert, simpler clothes and gadgets, even gossip. By this kind of self-denial we can learn self-discipline. We can become masters of our emotions.
And if people are slow to forgive, well, that is the human condition. That doesn’t keep you from being Christ-like with them, however. You can forgive them … just as Jesus would.
A book that might help you is Seeking First the Kingdom. I hope some of this helps.
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